....For all the wrong reasons no less.
Only with the addition of the rain the last two days has it reminded me that the highest holiday of the year is next week, and the best thing I've been looking forward to? Shamefully, the fact that I will have 12 days off in a row, returning to work on January 5th, 2009.
Christmas shopping for gifts has been scaled way back this year. My wife and I agreed that I would buy for my family, and she would buy for hers. It's a bit tough to admit at first that this year the gift giving is much smaller than it was in years past, but in a way I'm also glad we came to this agreement.....especially as I see the mounting bills and I've been stressing a bit about how we are going to pay them.
It also paigned me to make it very clear to my family so there was no hurt feeling or surprises that we would indeed be scaling back. In addition to our limited gifts, I have decided to host a Christmas dinner. Despite all my other flaws, nuances, and scattered emotions...one thing my family (and my wife) can agree on...is that I am a damn good cook.
Decoration around our house are a bit sparse too. When I was growing up, my parents always had a nice big tree even though there was only the three of us. My mom used to bake a lot as well, so the smell of banana date bread or sugar cookies often permeated our home. We used to watch Christmas specials on television, and combined, these things used to get me in the Christmas spirit.
Well we have a very small (2' tall) fake tree on a stand in our living room (because of space limitations and the dog) so all my beautiful ornaments once again remain in storage. My wife did put some nice garland on our banister and I decorated the outside trim with lights, but lacking are all the cards by the fireplace, the wreath, the smell of sweet cookies or bread, or most anything else Christmas.
My wife as of this past weekend hasn't started her shopping, and I have mixed feelings about this. I feel bad to a certain extent that she has limited funds and in a slight mode of worry on what to buy people (if she even will), but on the other hand she's had all year to plan for this, put away money, get her priorities in line...and instead she didn't. Like so many other frustrating moments I bite my tongue over she has opted to spend any disposable income she has on her Monday night bowling escapades and the rental of a storage unit she was supposed to down-grade to a cheaper, smaller unit almost 6 months ago. As much as it bothers me, I can't control her or tell her what to do....If I do...it's nagging and controlling. But I can't continue to bail her out anymore. It kills me a little more each time when I see her credit card statements come in each month and they just seem to get worse and worse (she finally gave me both cards and we closed one account altogther...I have the other card in my wallet for emergencies...but we'll never use it.)
Getting back to Christmas....even my work cancelled it's annual department potluck and we didn't even string lights up this year (last year our department looked like a poor mans disco....but at least we had some decorations). In speaking with neighbors and friends, no one is really having any holiday parties either. We did attend one almost two weeks ago which was pretty fun, but's thats the only one. My wife and I are attempting a potluck at our house this Saturday with a $5-10 gift exchange, but so far the response rate is pretty slim.
And how do I plan on spending my 12 days off? I may have to force myself to drive us somewhere outside and take the dog, otherwise all I had planned was watching some movies on dvd, playing some games, finishing a novel, and going to the gym. Nothing fancy....we just can't afford it.
And there is still the recent passing of 'R' looming over us as well. I know my wife was sad again last night...I guess she spoke with the ex-fiance who is flying out today and is also writing the obituary. It's hard to celebrate when a friend has died. I can imagine how difficult it is for families who lose someone close to Christmas as well.
Also there's the religious aspect or lack of religion as of late. Is it me, or does it seem like every atheist group came out of the woodwork the last month? I just feel so much more of an assault on Christmas this year as opposed to previous years it really has me concerned.
No, it's just not feeling like Christmas to me and it bother me the more I think about it.
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