Personal Reflection

It has been quite some time since I last made an entry, and I'm not exactly positive I know why.

It seems that last few weeks my existance has been comfortably residing within a set of parenthesis. I've had an odd feeling of peace, and I'm not even sure that the word 'peace' is even actually appropriate a description.

Everything has been very routine and comfortable for the most part. I can't say that I am extremely happy, nor am I sad. It's as if many of my emotions have just been minimized and while I am aware of the things going on around me, I don't have much inout or devoted much energy into contemplating them. Writing this own entry as it flows from my brain to my hands is probably the most I thought on any subject at any level that's just deeper than its surface.

I did one argument with my wife about a week ago, and I really tried to avoid it on multiple levels. I truly feel looking back that she really wanted to raise my 'ire' but I'm not sure why. I even exclaimed more than once that I wished to stop this now lest in go into territory that we'd both be sorry about. I asked her at least three times to stop, but she really knows how to press my buttons. If anything hurt me at all, it wasn't about the subject matter of the fight (money of course), in that respect I really wasn't mad....what made me angry was her deliberate twisting of my words and making these apple and orange type comparisons that made no sense at all, other than to just keep the argument going....for argument sake only.

But even after it was over, I got over it very quickly. It had to be one of the dumbest arguments we have ever had and I don't think I am saying that because I am a man. On the contrary I usually get much more worked up and much more emotional than my wife ever does. I swear, it was like she was on a mission to get under my skin that day and I don't know why. In the end, it may have backfired on her, because she stormed off and stewed for quiet some time afterwards and I was right back at being at peace minutes later and it didn't bother me.....WHich I think bothered her in the irony of it all.

In other matters, my mom and I have been getting along just fine. I did skip church last week and had a tinge of guilt, but not too much (which actually botehr me now....that I didn't have too much guilt). I'm a bit burnt out on things in general....work, chores, church, family, news, etc.

It's odd really. I do feel somewhat detached from everything close and dear to me other than my dog. I've been watching the news lately, and its just as sick and deprived as it always is. Horrible things are going on abroad and right here as well and yet I have no feeling for it.

The best anaology I can think of right now is my body is producing its own Lexapro like anti-depressant. My mood and feelings are pretty stable and nuetral which normally aren't the case.

I can't help but wonder if Jesus is preparing me for something, or working with me in a way I haven't yet been able to figure out. In a strange way, I've been pretty comfortable both mentally and emotionally the last few weeks and I'm not sure I want any change any time soon.