"Tell those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which will soon be gone. But their trust should be in the living God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment" (1 Timothy 6: 17-18)
In somewhat of an interlude to the recent Marriage Woes entries, this topic sprung into my mind based upon a cliche that I've heard quite a few times from the neighbors over the last few days in reference to perhaps one of the causes to the husband's recent behavior.
While I think people are using this cliche a little too liberally here, I can't say it doesn't hold some merit. Just not the amount of merit everyone else is putting stock into right now.
The young couple in crisis right now (actually only 6 years younger than my wife and I) perhaps weren't prepared for what they took on a few years ago when they moved into the neighborhood. It was a time when the mortgage industry was sewing the seeds that would ultimately turn into the housing industry debacle we all have been experiencing this last year. Home prices shot up dramatically making it very hard for first time owners to be a responsible party in the owner/bank equation. Lenders circumvented this by offering insane deals that didn't make sense to anyone (including me) and thus the introductions of these ARM statements.
Fast forward a few years where the economy turns stagnant, ARMs re-adjust, gas prices shoot up, and the dollar falls. They say that foreclosures are at an all time high, and people are really holding on to their jobs. In the area in which we live, staying unemployed for too long spells trouble.
I think financial woes may have gotten to my neighbor. They may have bitten more off than they could chew, and it didn't help that he lost his job and had to eventually take something he didn't care for as much that paid less. That's how I felt when I lost my job. The $900 from the gov't every two weeks doesn't come close to the salary I was making, but fortunately I was always pretty good with money and saved up for a rainy day (my wife never understood why I was miserly at times early on...and during my loss of employment, I think she changed her tune when she saw I had much saved up). But I did have my doubts and concerns and worries just like everyone else. I may have been a little too pessimistic though...I was always talking about the rainy day, obsessed it would be coming one day, thus I never learned how to relax and enjoy a lot of simple things in life.
My neighbor, however, (at least in some of our casual conversations in the past) would tell me about all the great things his friends had, all the toys his brother had, the track homes in upscale areas his buddies now owned....and he always seemed to compare them to himself. He is college educated, married, just turned 31 years of age.....and has quite a few setbacks the last few years. On the surface I think he thinks that how did all his friends move ahead and 'appear' to be happier and he and his wife continue to struggle to make ends meet. He liked the idea and the appearance he was on par with everyone else. It just wasn't the case, and I really suspect his friends are all about appearances too (secretly in debt, living beyond their means....any day the floor just about to drop from under them).
I know the feeling. My wife and I argue about finances. That's been our main bone of contention in our own marriage. We've had some doozies on how to spend or not to spend money and what our responsibilities are to ourselves and each other in that realm.. I constantly think about retirement and social security, and the way we save and spend money, and I don't think I can retire anytime soon.
I finally admit to myself, I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be in this phase of my life. When I was 22-23 and just about to graduate college (1993) I thought "Who wouldn't want to hire me?". I mean I was a Business Management graduate with a double minor in computer information systems and marketing. I was also pretty much an A/B student. I'm sharp and a quick learner. I thought it was only a matter of months, maybe weeks, before I had a nice job that afforded me an office and a leather brief case (I probably watched too much Dallas back in the day and I wanted to emulate the lifestyle of JR Ewing).
In my head I envisioned that in about 5 years I would be driving a Mercedes Benz, I would have a nice house, and most likely engaged. In 10 years I would be well onto raising my 2 kids, and my wife would be a stay at home mom and once a year we'd go on a fabulous vacation.
In reality I got married after 10 years and started our life together in a condo, and now an attached house. I have a step-daughter who doesn't treat me as a father figure at all, someone who still just dates her mom, a wife who can't comprehend simple financial matters nor can seem to get pregnant any longer or even wants children at this point. We have yet to take a honeymoon in 5 years, and it seems to be a major decision right now if we can afford to buy all new shutters or blinds, or do we get a new front door or stove? I never got my Mercedes either...I drove my last car for 11 years and it leaked all the time, but I couldn't buy a new car when I was unemployed.
So yeah, things didn't work out the way I planned. At one point it really depressed me, and occasionally when others tell me how great their trip to Italy was, or how they just bought a Jet Ski and will be going to the lake this weekend, or how they just had the whole kitchen remodeled in granite and stainless steel, I admit a tinge of jealousy. But it could be worse.
I think that's what my neighbor is going through as well. I remember once he saw my 42" plasma TV a few years back.....he had to have one too. When his brother got a Lexus, he had to get an Infinity himself. When they saw other neighbors affording gardeners, they got one too. And perhaps the lifestyle caught up with them. Keeping up with the Jones' and the unsaid competition with family and friends led to some unsavory financial burdens and stress. I don't think they have attained where they would like to be in life (I sure didn't), and thus haven't found happiness or contentment.....juss mounting bills and headaches.
Fortunately I never got that far, but I do know the feeling and desires. Today, I don't make the money I made 3 years ago, but I am starting to learn how to appreciate what I have much more. I don't shop at Nordstroms or Saks any longer. I get nice $10 t-shirts and $30 tennis shoes at Kohl's. I don't put premium gas in my car any longer. I still have a VCR and not a Blu-Ray player. I buy my video games months after they come out, because that's when the price tends to drop. We cook more at home and have leftovers we take to work instead of $15-20 a plate dinners. I get my hair cut at Supercuts now. We still haven't take a vacation in a far away country, but this year I do plan on perhaps driving somewhere for a week.
I have learned the hard way about certain sacrifices, and yeah I may be disappointed on occasion, but I do spend more time with friends now, my dog, and learn to make do with what I have. I come to realize that I'll never have the lifestyle of the Ewings, but I do know with God in my heart, I have other riches that await me in the next life that I'll never experience here. I may not exactly like everything in my life right now, but I have come to the realization that God provides everything I need right now.....something the Jones' don't.
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