For reader James

James,

Thank you so much for your comments and sharing with me your personal struggles as well.

I hope you don't mind me making a post out of this, but I want to share something with you and everyone else today.

I haven't had much to write here the last two weeks or so. What initially starts as a random thought here at some random place which I want to express and share with you all, I can never seem to actually remember it when I finally sit down to a computer.

Strangely, the last day or two I have had a strong itch to write something, but I didn't know what. I also coulnd't explain this strong urge either. In conjuction with jumbled feelings these last two weeks, I have't had had the heart to go to church. Oh, deep down I know I should have gone, and even felt a twinge of guilt for not going, but I was justifying it by convincing myself "my heart is not in the right place, so it'll just be a waste of time."

Others would say this is indeed the exact right time to go so that perhaps the Holy Spirit can minister to a confused and unlistening heart. I dunno.

Needless to say, I was very happy and moved as well to read your comment, and believe that I was led here again today to receive it and to tell you you are not alone. James, I will pray for you in your struggles as they seem to mirror my own. Sometimes it is indeed better to talk to someone on the outside world, as I know speaking to my own wife and family about these topics can be frustrating and unfulfilling at times. I don't know how many times I thought I had the courage to say something to my wife, when in reality I didn't. I thought maybe because she'd really begin to think I was 'damaged', or it was a sign of weakness. That'd there's no way she'd ever understood no matter how often she nodded her head.

I do indeed believe times does heal wounds, and it is still an ongoing process. There are moments I see a complete and utter positive change in our relationship and think can be bliss for days on end, but then one stray comment or something else can throw all that out the window. You can surround yourself with loved ones and friends, and pills, and therapy.......but at least for myself the turn began when I finally came to terms that I was depressed and unhappy and not in control....a process in which I think you are going through now.

The next step for me was to take in stock that God and Christ never left me....I had left them...and only by re-allowing them into my heart (not an easy thing to do for many males), did I begin to have small break throughs.

Anyways,....again...thank you James for making my day...and please stop by again or feel free to write my direct e-mail if you so choose.