What was that all about?

Yesterday was a very odd day for me.

Often my entries are very fresh...if I'm at a keyboard, they are in the heat of the moment....raw and unedited.

After I signed off yesterday I was looking forward to going to the gym and burn off that negative energy. As I drove to the gym, I saw a car in front of me that had a bumper sticker from a company called (of all things) 'Christ Bumpers'...and it had a message from both old and new testaments that seemed to minister to me, although seemingly by coincidence.

Needing some additional uplifting, I turned to the Christian radio station and the message was regarding those that are exposed over and over and over to the good news, yet still reject it. Too bad I only caught the tail end of it, but just these brief ten minutes or so seemed to give me some comfort.

I went to the gym and rode the bike for 30 minutes, increasing the resistance by a notch and noted that my endurance is indeed improving. There's no way I could do level 10 for 30 minutes 6 weeks ago. It was more like level 8 for 15 minutes, then 20 minutes, then 25 all the while while increasing the resistance as well.

Last night my wife had softball (her team won by the way), so I was alone with my dog for about 2 hours. It was nice. I got to catch up on some shows I had previously taped, but I got to play with my dog. For being 5.5 years old, he was like a puppy last night....being goofy and silly and we had a good time. After we played he snuggled up with me on the couch as I lay down...and he lay next to me.....not hard for him to do when I'm gently petting him.

It's what the doctor ordered....at least for the moment.

Last night I did have a 'uncomfortable' dream though. It wasn't a nightmare or disturbing. It was about my college friends from 20 years ago. I just happened to walk into a night spot and noted a very close group of my friends there obviosuly for a party I wasn't invited to. I could tell at first they were all a bit uncomfortable that I just happened to be there, not because they didn't like me or want me there, but more so they were embarassed in fact I wasn't invited. The reason was that the 'organizer', an old friend of mine, had decided to exclude me from his life (true story) without ever saying why.

I know this sounds odd, but its a true story. I have/had a friend I used to hang out with in college and about 10 years ago he just wrote me off with no explanation. I wrack my brain to this day wondering what happened. Was it something I did? Something I said? The fact that I am the polar opposite of his politcal viewpoint and even perhaps his religious viewpoints? I don't know.

I suppose I could write him a letter, try to extend the olive branch to know what I did...or didn't do...but I've been afraid. I'm afraid I may hear something I don't want to hear. I want to be a man about this, but there's something to that old saying "somethings are better left unsaid." Or that old movie, A Few Good Men. "You can't handle the truth!" Maybe.

I'm a very sensitive man,a nd the last thing I hate to do is to hurt anyone or disapoint them. I've asked mutual friends of our why I was written off, but either they are trying to protect me, or truly do not know.

Anyway, I look back at our relationship.....and we are opposites. It's not that he is a bad person...not at all. He's a loving husband and father and very smart. But we do not agree in politics (at all), and I'm pretty sure he's agnostic and may think I'm too religious for him. The thing is, I really don't espouse my beliefs unless someone asks. I am not a rolemodel for the faithful, nor am I on street corners condemning the masses. If I did, I'd start with the man in the mirror.

I really don't know and it's one of those open ended mysteries that plagues me. Why it came to a head in my dreams last night, I have no idea.

I'm sure I will dwell on this for a bit today, off and on...that's who I am...but it will pass in time until my next mental crisis.

That being said, I'm in a better emotional state today.

Oh, and today I was 223.8 lbs. Yay.