3+ weeks of Lexapro

Thank you Jamie for the last comments you left here and apologies for not updating sooner.

Before I talk about the Lexapro, I'm sad to say that the pastor that married my wife and I and who was a huge factor in me becoming a christian passed about a week and a half ago. It was prostate cancer that could have been dealt with early on if he'd gone to regular checkups, but didn't. By the time they caught it, it was advanced enough that it was too late to do anything.

I am indeed sad by this news, however, I'm not as sad as I think I should be, and I suppose that has to do with the Lexapro. It's hard to describe, but I am fully aware that the medication has indeed 'kicked' in and my highs and lows are minimized. The best way I can describe it is that while I can in fact foucs on things right now, I seem to be somewhat incapable of super multi-tasking. That means that I can usually juggle a 1/2 dozen thoughts or tasks at any given time without much concentration, but now it seems as if I can only do 2-3 at any moment and my focus and concentration has to be slightly more intense.

The best analogy I can come up with is that lets say without Lexapro my field of vision on events is almost 180 degrees and you can pick up things in the peripheral. Now that I am medicated again, my overall visionhas condensed to a smaller but more focused field of view, say 60 degrees of everything in front of me. Much of the peripheral 'noise' is gone or at least un-noticed.

I still haven't told my wife that I'm on the drugs, but I did share the news with my therapist and some of my mens bible study group. And even before I told them, they all said that seem to be more relaxed, cheery, and able to crack a smile for the first time in months. My therapist said that I seemed less intense and more relaxed that I had in the past, so apparently it smust be working to some degree.

While my emotions do feel a little less intense overall, it hasn't done too much for my patience and I have still been able to get angry at some bone-headed decions at work. So I'm definetly not perfect or did a complete about face with my emotions.

Two other side effects I've noticed as well: 1) libido & 2) fatigue.

On the libido front of course I still have carnal desires and thoughts. Those have not gone away, but let's say certain 'performance' issues have occured where it takes me much longer to, um, 'finish', and that's all I'll say about that.

Fatigue is the big one though: I am much more tired than before and usually don't have much problem falling asleep at night. But I seem to get tired and exhausted throughout the day moreso than ever. I can easily go out to my car at lunch at nap, or fall asleep sitting on the couch watching TV. Getting up in the morning takes a bit more effort as well, and I catch myself yawning much more. I've alos noticed that alcohol really intensfies the drowsy sensation. If I have a beer or two, it really makes me tired and ready for bed.

But I suppose it's good enough trade....I haven't had any anti-anxiety meds in almost 3 weeks where as I was popping them every other day. Family, friends, and co-workers have all said I'm a bit more 'chipper', and I know I don't have obsessive thoughts like before. This has also helped my marriage out as well.....at the very least we are getting along much better than before, although we don't agree on everything...and probably never will. It's much easier for me to walk away from the snarky remarks or incidents that would push my buttons.

Study: 1 in 5 young adults have personality disorder

I came across this article this morning on FOXnews.com. I'll let you read it on your own for its length, but I found it very interesting and telling.

If you don't want to read it in its entirety, the layman's version is thus: A study was conducted over the course of 2001/2002 with 5,092 young adults. It found that nearly 25% (not quite though) described students experienceing disorders such as anti-socialness, paranoia, obsessive-complusiveness. Many of these behaviors can be linked to violence. Also the study revealed that fewer than 25% of college-aged Americans with mental problems get treatment.

The study cited, and I think I understand the logic, that perhaps some of the causes can be traced from:

• Alcohol and substance abuse.
• Seperation from secure environments (i.e. away from home and parents)
• Recent campus shootings foster a sense of feeling 'unsafe'.
• Relationship issues and discovering sexuality.
• Facing the realization of possible employment prospects and educational opportunities.

You can probably extrapolate a few other cause and effects in there as well, but I think the gist of teh study suggests (at least what I got out of it) is that young people are becoming more and more ill-prepared in dealing with the transition from childhood to adulthood with increased stress factors coming from all angles. Because they are ill-prepared to deal with the various traumas that 'life' throws at them (especially with no parental/family structure nearby), these young adults are succumbing to the pressures and developing mental instabilities...including depression.

It saddens me to read this because the more I think of it, the more I see the truth in it. Today, we are a society of blogs, text messaging, IM chats, Facebook/MySpace, etc...We are having less and less 'real' face time with other people...including family and God...and using technology to converse with people hiding behind our PC screens. We don't make time for ourselves anymore either.....we tend to think time is more valuable than ever as we contstantly feel rushed or tasked to do something. Remember the old saying: "Take time to smell the roses."? Well, I think we often forget to take the time out and spend 10-15 minutes walking in God's creation, talking with Him, sharing with Him and friends. One can even argue the family dynamic that was perceived to be a 'nuclear family' back in the 1950's is almost non-exsistant today. People marry and divorce more often, come from broken families, don't go to church anymore....and with that, we lose touch of definition of 'family' and personal 'love', and eventually personal responsibility.

This can all lead to various stresses and social traumas, and those that aren't thick skinned, either sink or swim. Those that sink may become depressed, stressed, paranoid, etc. Those that swim may become hard in the heart, indifferent, cold and impersonal...perhaps worse.

Anyway, I'm not really sure how to wrap this up...It's a study and those are my interpretations of them. I suppose in a nutshell, and I have to remind myself of this more and more often......go out and smell the roses. Call your friends up and ask them to lunch and speak with them in person. Interact with your family and discuss topics you normally just gloss over. Pray to God above and meditate with Him and ask for peace.....Your mental health may depend on it.