Busy and burnt

It's Wed. morning and I'm feeling a little burnt out....again.

It's been a bit busier at work since the end of last week, but I'm not sure if it's due to real issues, the fact that there have been a lot of people out due to vacation, training, or sickness, or because one of my bosses likes to hear himself talk, ergo the over drawn out meetings that take an hour to say something that should only take ten minutes.

Either way, since I started thinking about it almost two weeks ago, I can't stop thinking about taking a few days off. I just don't know when. One of my bosses will be gone all next week, so I'm not going to waste that golden time. This week is half over and two guys in my department are out the whole week as well, and another one is working a modified schedule. That equates to our department being short handed, and there have literally been issues every single day thus far where I guess I'd feel guilty for taking a day off.

It's self punishment mixed in with a sprinkle of guilt. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think that I need to put in a good showing and make my presence known when we are short handed. I'm also probably the only person that is actually thinking that though.

Today's lunch in PB&J sandwiches and a thing of Yoplait yogurt. Dinner last night was a baked potato smothered in canned Chili. The night before that was frozen fish and a few steamed vegetables. So boring and unsatisfying. But we are trying to tighten our belt. My daughter had her hours cut to a paltry 10 hours for the whole week. My wife got a final notice for the water bill last night in which I just shake my head. Not sure how that didn't get paid, but apparently she had enough to buy her cigarettes and a 1.75L of Crown Royal and wants us both to go to a concert this Saturday night. Really? You want to go to a concert where the beers are $7 each, plus parking, plus whatever else and we have a final notice on the water bill? Yeah, I'm still living in the Twilight Zone where up is down and left is right.

That pretty much means I can't go to the fair even if I wanted to tomorrow. It sets a bad example if I complain about the water bill, and then I go off to the fair for the day with my friend. Hypocritical? Hell yes. Self defeating? Check.

As I was walking in the door today I was trying to think of that moment in my life where I zigged when I should have zagged. When did it all change to set me down this path? Here's where Christians get all tripped up, including me: pre-destination or free-will? I get a headache just musing about it, so I'll stop while I'm ahead.

My daughter asked me last night during a cooking show, Master Chef, if I would ever do that. We've had this discussion before and my answer is still yes. However, that's all hindsight. If I didn't have a bad back or bad shoulder, and was 20 years old again....sure, I'd love to be a chef.

I'd love to work for myself and do something passionate. Instead, here I sit...feeling trapped due to financial obligations not all of my doing (although I did play a part to be honest), more educated and knowledgeable than my direct superior...but hand-tied in not being able to make a decision with a wishy-washy committee always second guessing everything and are too afraid to commit one way or another. (nice run on sentence there)

Interuption.....My boss just sent me an email to invite me to a mandatory meeting this Friday (before his vacation) to discuss, again, ad-nasuem, what we just discussed the otehr day. It hasn't even been a week for crying out loud, and I've been covering other stuff since we are short handed. I HAVE NOTHING NEW TO SAY THAT I HAVEN'T JUST SAID A FEW DAYS AGO. God man...give it a rest.

I have to stop this entry right now before I blow up and go all Flight Attendant ala Steve Slater.