Drawing a blank

I sit here at this entry not knowing what to write.

I feel I have so much to say, on so many subjects, yet the focus is lacking. It's as if my head is full of noise lately. Emotions are all over the place. Up one minute, down the next.

Marriage. Faith. Step-fatherdom. Happiness. Employment. Sadness. Depression. Fun. Entertainment. Sex. God. Frustration. Patience.

These things are all important and all present to me. All scrambling and tripping over one another to become the dominant thought. The result--inner turmoil.

Is it possible to feel numb and anxious at the same time? I think it is. See, my body feels anxious...squirmy, tight, tense, exciteable. But my mind is numb; tired of thinking of it all, caring and not caring at the same time. Time is measured on not what I look forward to anymore, but that this second, and this second, and now this second are over....thank God.

I'm looking at my life in the past. History. At times I look forward to the eternal rest. Like I want to sleep forever and have nice dreams. Me and my dog, the only creature on this planet that doesn't give me grief day in and day out.

No noise.

Just quiet and loving comfort.