Status update

I wish I could remember to make more time to my updates here as I feel I am short changing myself at times. It really does help to use this blog as an outlet for minor venting and collecting and or organizing my thoughts.

The last few weeks have had some minor ups and downs.

My step-daughter has moved in on a full time basis now and I'll admit there have been 'moments' where I just want to explode and other times I have to remove myself from her presence for some piece of mind. She's not a 'bad' kid. Not in the sense that she does no drugs, does not drink, does not smoke....but she does have a major attitude and is somewhat lazy.

She's flunked out of school and is now in independant study and has grandiose designs of going out on her own at 18 to live her life. Problem is, she has no job, no money, no car, no drivers license, no savings, and no clue. Her mother and I have spent fruitless hours trying to talk to her about her decisions and try to point out how the real world works, but alas our advice falls on deaf ears. She'll have to find out the hard way, and I can only hope she gets a job soon enough.

As you can imagine, this has put some additional stress on her mother and me, moreso my wife. They have bumped heads on a few occassions now where I have to come in and play the peace broker only so as I don't get too worked up.

The addition of a third member to our household has also put a strain on our finances as well...more groceries, increase in utilities, toiletries, etc. Needless to say it has been a rough two months, especially with the holidays just around the corner.

I've personally been struggling on how hard to put my foot down, where my emotions are in all this, and how to deal with a rebellious spirit at the Holidays who won't even try to get a job to buy presents for her family. It's difficult for me to warm up to someone who takes everything for granted and expects things with nothing in return.

My relatiosnhip with my wife has been a bit lukewarm because of this too. Our intimacies have been put on the backburner and that bums me out, not just because I'm a giy, but a few months back it appeared that we had tuened a corner for the better, and now with my step-daughter moved in, we're all too tired and tense to relax and enjoy each others companies.

I have been going to my men's bible study on Saturday's, but I haven't been going to service the last few weeks on Sunday. I've been a little bitter and angry and not in the mood. I feel guilty, but I also think going into God's house with teh wrong mindset is a waste of His time and mine. Some would argue this is exactly why I should be going and I do understand that point, however, I'm good at making excuses for myself and I abhor confrontation and still pretend I can sweep things under the rug as a viable option.

I took a Clonzapem this morning as I awoke at 5am with my thoughts scattered, my anxiety high, and a knot in my sternum. It took about 20-30 minutes to kick in, but I felt really good afterwards and am trying my best to enjoy my day.

A pleasant surprise is my wife invited me to Sushi this evening. Not sure if it is just the two of us, or my stp daughter as well, but I love sushi, and hopefully my wife knows I'm feeling a bit squeezed as of late and this is her way of giving me a little reprieve.