Holiday strain

My stress levels are a little higher than normal right now.

My stepdaughter has behaving a bit better tha last few days, but I feel that her last two uncalled for and random 'blowups' at our house have somewhat jaded me more than I originally thought they might have. I'm having a hard time warming up to her right now. When I walk in the door from work, I find myself at a loss for words to say anything to her. I'm polite, I'm cordial, but I can't seem to shake the last few scenes out fo my head and it irriates me. I should forgive and forget and move on, but I'm having a tough time doing that. I'm not sure even if an apology at this point could change my mind.

I want her to get a job. She really does need to get a job, yet another week has gone by and she has done nothing. She's been living with us now for close to two months and she has put in all of a few hours on one single day looking for a job, and has done no follow up yet to my knowledge.

I don't even know how to bring this subject up right now in the house inorder to avoid any argument between her and I, or even my wife and myself right now. I'm a bit confused by my wife as well. A few weeks ago, my wife determined that her daughter had to get a job and I had a lot of confidence in my wife....but it appears she has backed off or back down completely at this point and I just don't have the energy to bring it back up just before the Holidays.

Why is this bugging me so much?

Well, I think a lot has to do with the fact that we are broke right now. Seriously broke. My wife and I both have jobs, but we have had a lot, and I mean A LOT of unexpected bills this year (and the fact my wife still can't manage money very well) that my emergency savings has been pretty much drained. For the first time since I lost my job almost three years ago, I feel like I am living paycheck to paycheck...and I still have nothing to show for it.

I cinched the belt for holiday shopping this year warning my entire family that this year was going to be smaller in scale. I am packing many more brown bag lunches to work as of late and even skipping breakfast altogether just so I can have a few extra bucks for incoming bills I have no idea how I'm going to pay for.

I even traded in some vacation days I had saved up for cash just so I can pay a few bills. Yeah, thats vacation time I won't be taking. So yet another year goes by where I don't go anywhere on vacation because I cannot afford it. Last year I wanted to take my wife and I our for a cruise for a belated honeymoon we never took. Well, it looks like year 6 isn't going to happen either.

I also feel guilty that I haven't tithed in a few weeks either at church. It does indeed burned my heart that I haven't given 10% the last few months. My tithing and donations in general are way down this year and that doesn't sit well with me either. I know I am supposed to truct in my Lord, my God to weather these financial storms, but my friends it just never seems to end.

I think after the holidays, I may even have to get a part time job on the weekends just to get some extra money to pay bills and feel like I have a bit of breathing room. I'll be burning both ends of the candle and I'm sure I'll be moody and tired and worried, but right now, I don't see any escape.

Maybe that's why I didn't sleep very well last night?