Tired & Frustrated

I had a chance to read the first two chapters of, "So you don't want to go to church anymore."

It had been recommended to me to be a very good book, but since my overall mood as of late is a tad tainted and dark, I'm having a bit of an issue getting into it. Then again, I'm only on page 36, so I'm sure it can only get better.

It's been a few hours since my last post, and I was able to get hold of my wife by phone a few hours ago and get her to agree to a marriage session tomorrow afternoon. If not for her, then it needs to be for me.

I need to hear once again in a controlled room with a moderator on where my wife's head and emotions are at. That will help me decide my next course of action, although I will still be seeing an attorney on Friday at least to satisfy some of my own questions that would have been popping into my head.

It seems that my last few years of life has been a broken record. Please, if anyone is indeed reading this, please make sure that before you enter a relationship that you are indeed equally yoked. I've had a lot of emotional, hormonal, and mental struggles these last 5 years, and not to be a doomsayer, but that's when I got married.

Sure there are good times. And of course I love my wife. However, as the old saying goes, "If I knew then what I know now...", yes, it would be a completely different story. Somewhere the last few years I lost my manhood, not that I am a weakling by any means...I just don't like confrontation in any form, especially in the realm of what ssould be love and happiness. I also wonder how much of these thought and feelings of mine are a result from depression or a chemical imbalance, or did those come after the fact. The old chicked and the egg conundrum.

I'm headed home now....why? I don't know....I have nowhere else to go, and hanging out in a bar is counter productive and expensive. Right this moment I wise I were single.