Confused

After a semi-emotional day yesterday, but able to maintain my self control overall, I came home and was able to lose myself in the television. When I'm distraught, I sometimes have a tendency to lose my appetite, and yesterday I had no breakfast, a half a sandwich for lunch, and for dinner I settled for a single bowl of Cheerios, and I was content.

By 9:30pm I was still watching TV and felt the urge to sleep coming over me as my eyelids started to weigh down on themselves. My wife called me to let me know she would be bowling an extra game or so, which I was surprised that she even called me. Generally when she is angry, she doesn't call me as a sort of 'punishment' I suppose, and to be honest, I really didn't care if she called me or not last night. I had nothing to say to her anyway that wouldn't start an argument, so the additional peace and quiet was nice.

I didn't take any pills last night, just crawled into bed and must have fell asleep by 10pm or slightly thereafter. I never heard her come at all, which is amazing because I'm generally a very light sleeper. Not only that, my dog would normally wake me up as well when he stirs, but I was out. I didn't hear anything, so I was a little surprised when I woke up this morning and glanced at the clock (5:00am) and my wife was in bed.

I fell back asleep and sometime thereafter she got up herself and made a pot of coffee. By 6:50, when I finally rousted myself out of bed and got my own cup of coffee, took my Lexapro tablet for the day, and as I came downstairs my wife asked me if I was taking time off on Thursday to go to the fair.

What?

What did I miss?

Less than 36 hours ago, she was on a spiteful, angry, and venomous diatribe against me....and now she wants to know if we are going to the fair on Thursday? She's also talking to me in a calm and rational manner, although no mention of this past weekend has come up. To say I am confused by these turn of events is an understatement and sometimes I wonder if it's just not me who has a chemical imbalance or my wife has a polarity issue herself. I answered her that I don not know what my schedule is like right now, and as much as I want to go to the fair and had been planning on it, I really don't want to with her.....not until we get some issues resolved....like what does she mean "I am done with this". I guess I will find out tonight at our session.

I left the house without saying goodbye, and oddly my mood right now is indifference. I still plan on meeting with a lawyer this Friday to find out what my option are, legally, just in case. Just as my wife proclaims that she is "done with this', I too am wondering if I have the energy anymore to put up with her family, quirks, and constant railing.

As I sit and write this entry now, I can't help but to think how uncomplicated my life would be if I had someone in my life that respected me and my family. Yeah, I wish things were different.