A New Day

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one seperate them, for God has joined them together - (Matthew 19:6)


Yesterday I really had a tough day of things. My emotions ebbed and flowed throughout the day and by the time I got home last night, my appetite was shot... Funny because my wife asked me what I wanted to do for dinner, and I kid you not, I must have offered up 5 different suggestions, and they were all shot down. It ended up having me make tuna helper as a last resort, and I may have had 3/4 of a serving before I just couldn't eat anymore.


My wife was so engrossed in Facebook again, it wasn't until I went to go take a shower....after I ate...that I guess she spooned herself a few bites to eat not in my company.


In the shower, I let the hot water cascade down my head, onto my shoulders and back, just trying to relax. Once out of the shower I opened the medicine cabinet and took a Clonzapam (1mg) and looked at the left over 20mg Lexapro tablets I have. For a few minutes I hung onto the medicine cabinet and pictured myself calling my doctor and requesting a refill on both....something you normally wouldn't do, and I can just imagine the quizzing I'd be subject to. He'd most likely want me to come in, charge me for the office visit, and maybe, just maybe agree that I need to go back on the meds.


I'm seriously considering it. I need a little numbness I think, and alcohol is not the answer. A re-trial of the Lexapro (maybe 15mg) for a few weeks may help me regulate my emotions, especially when I have difficult times at work. I'm also going to ask if the Clonzapam comes perhaps in a 2mg form, as 1mg just doesn't seem to be enough...though it does help.

By 10pm I went to bed, and my wife soon followed...on her side of the bed of course, and our mini-schnauzer as the buffer between us.

This morning I reached over and grabbed her hand....to hold it...and surprisingly she held it back. I didn't want to let go even after 10 minutes, and finally asked her if I could snuggle her...and she agreed!! I lay next to her, no words spoken between us, just me hugging her over the top as she fell back asleep in my arms another ten minutes.

I finally had to get up and get ready for work, and I swear I heard her say "Babe, can you take out the trash?" Of course I would anyway, but did I hear right? Did she call me "Babe."? I haven't heard that in so long, and it looks like today started off on the right foot.

Tonight we are going out on a date. I offered to take her to dinner to a specialty seafood restaurant that she inquired about so long ago, and so she agreed. I'm not trying to get my hopes up too much, but it's a start. We'll be meeting at home after work, change, and then take a nice drive to a city we rarely get to anymore to have a nice dinner and hopefully to talk. Afterwards, if it is not too cold, perhaps I can convince her to take a stroll with me under the night sky like we used to do oh so long ago.

On another front, I was listening to a Christian radio station today and heard part of a message entitled "Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage", by Pastor Jack Abeelen. The series itself is 6 parts and I ended making an impulse purchase over the web for the series. Click here to see what I'm talking about. I'm hoping that my wife will listen to it as well, or at least part of it.