Tired and venting

I feel like I need to apologize for my last few entries.

Looking back the last few days, my overall tone has been a little more gruff and edgy and it has clearly come out in my blog. However, I also know I don't live within a cute candy castle with marshmallow clouds either.

My stress is creeping up as of late. Between our finances, the heat, the drama next door and within, and my work as of late (this past week has been very trying and taxing), it must be getting to me.

As a matter of fact, last night I woke up at 3:23am and was up, tossing and turning before I finally gave up at about 4:45 and went downstairs to sleep on the couch. The whole time while I was up, my mind was racing about this and that, and once again coming to grips with my own personal happiness. I tried very hard to pray during this time, but as I said, my mind and it thoughts seemed cluttered and chaotic. As much as I was trying to concentrate of Christ, my mind would go off on a tangent elsewhere...like "What if I were still single?" "I wish I had a kid." "Would I be a good father?" "Where did I go wrong?"

Somewhere around 5:30 I must have finally fell back to sleep for at least another hour, but when I finally got up, my back was killing me. My couch is very comfortable, but wasn't build to give back support for sleeping. It took me a few minutes to even sit up...that's how sore I was...and when I did managed to sit up my back cracked in numerous places.

I seriously needed good coffee this morning, and there was none to be found. I drove up to Starbucks on my way to work (yay...another day at this grind as well....hot weather and nothing working the way it should be makes for a lot of troubled sighs throughout my day), but the line was way too long.

Work has been frustrating as well. I totally understand our economy is on shaky ground, and in lieu of 6.1% unemployment, I should be happy (and I am) that I just have a job right now. But sometimes I feel like I just do the same thing over and over and over again....fix, and fix and fix this equipment that just keeps breaking all the time. Why my company won't invest in new stuff is beyond me. I spend so much time patching the same things over and over again I'm not sure to laugh as I go stark-crazy mad, cry in frustration, or curse and yell in anger. Doesn't help when it's in the mid 90's either.

So I guess what I am trying to say here is the last week or so has been me venting...blowing off steam.

I think for Christmas, I am seriously going to go to a travel agent and book a cruise (our long delayed Honeymoon) for a good week. These 3 and 4 days here and there just aren't enough. I need to smell some fresh air. I need to take in a sunset and watch the colors of the sky change as the moon rises. I need to have a fruity drink with an umbrella and hang out in some bermuda shorts and crazy T-shirt instead of a suit for once.

Well, I'm off to go back in the field again right now. It's hot again outside, but I'm gonna day dream about exotic foods and exotic waters right now.