Saturday more or less had an unusual cloud of silenced concern over our neighborhood. By now, many of the neighbors (not all) had known what was currently transpiring and there were many hushed talks going on.
I admit to be curious myself, but tried to make a point of giving my neighbor her space and not get involved...yet. I remember when crap was going down for me, there were those that had spoken to me, but I wasn't exactly sure if it was genuine concern or just fact finding for gossip. I soon learned to hate most of the cliches as did I not enjoy repeating the stories over and over again. Maybe some people feel the need to talk in order to 'vent' and get things of their chest. Me? I need to find a quiet place and not be reminded by everyone that things that happen are in "God's plan" or dredge up recent history that just feeds into my own self-loathing, anger, hate, confusion, bitterness, etc.
As the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" suggests, we men like to work things out in our head first. We need time to retreat to our caves and think things out...to process...before we are ready to speak.
My neighbor slept and kept to herself most of the day. At least that's what she said eventually later that day when she emerged from her home. I can assume what really happened is that she let her mind take over and replay any conversation she and her husband had the last few days over and over and over again, picking out every single word for its real meaning. I'm sure the night was filled with restless sleep and many, many tears. If she was anything like me, her guts would be twisting, her heart fluttering, she'd be awake but in a daze.
The other women on the street, including my own wife, spoke with her numerous times trying to lend their support and I commend them for that. However, one concern that kept popping into my mind was the fact that she was only hearing from other women and not from a guys point of view. That may sound a bit sexist, but I've lived with these people for 4 years and I can kinda surmise the stance and points they are taking. There's no bad intentions from any of them, that I'm sure of, but the other thing that concerned me was that the advice/support given probably had no spiritual attunement to back it up.
Now by no means do I consider myself a theologian, or even remotely qualified to give advice from a pulpit, but I can say my heart has been weighing very heavy that my neighbor needed to hear something else that hadn't been repeated already a hundred times. I can't tell you why, or even 100% positive my own judgement was on track or not, but I had a feeling in my heart that maybe I need to talk to her aside from anyone else and share with her what I went through in terms of depression, medicines, my feelings and thought process as a guy, and offer the little spiritual insight that I could about marriage and prayer.
To be continued....
2 comments:
This story is just crying out for you to talk to the husband. Did you have any connection with him? I’d suggest trying to talk with your wife and letting her know of the parallels you see between your situation and theirs. If she agrees she may be able to speak to the wife and get the husband to get in touch with you. Maybe the husband needs someone to lean on at the moment. You’ve been there and know what it’s like. Ah, maybe God is trying to act on his life through you? If you talk to him, leave God out of it. Good luck.
Wandering Mind,
Thank you again for the comments.
As this continues to play out in real time I have to carefully mind where I stick my nose in and where I don't stick my nose into someones marital affairs and advice.
Being that I have only been married just shy of 5 years myself and only within the last two year 're-discovered' my faith, I am not sure I am qualified.
I am very concerened that the advice I have heard so far from the street so far is very 'secular' and rally isn't about healing as so much as it has been about bank accounts, hurtful dialogue, pointing fingers and leading in a direction just the opposite that God himself wants.
It makes it very difficult for me not to sound like a hypocrite in my own head as I too have had thoughts of leaving my wife before.
As far as contacting the husband...I am sure I will eventually. He has not been around the last few days and I don't have his email or phone number where he is staying.
I did offer my insight and help to the wife, not only to her but asked her to offer myself to him if he wishes to talk. So far nothing has happened...and maybe you'll see why in my next entry.
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