Flags at half mast....again.

"How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog - it's here a little while, then it's gone" (James 4:14)

I've been at my new job for a total of ten months now, and today I received an email that a fellow coworker passed away over the weekend. He was in his late 50's, and there was some speculation that he may have been ill due to a very raspy voice, but no one seems to know for sure. The details of his death were not made known to the employee's.

That's the fifth person who has passed at my job in ten months. Five.

I'm a little taken aback by this one as I knew the gentleman and had the pleasure of working with him on a small project about 2 months back.

And now he is gone.

I have no idea on what his faith was. We never spoke of it, nor would I have ever thought to have at work in today's politically correct environment. I've never been good at witnessing. I kind of gave up on the overt witnessing I have tried in the past. If asked, I'm very forward to share my beliefs and I make no qualms about my own questions at times, especially mired in my own psyche.

That's one of the reason I started this blog to begin with. I wanted to share with everyone the ups and downs of my life and hope through my experiences that perhaps someone could relate and realize that they are not alone in their thoughts. Its intention is to still let anyone out there who is depressed that even Christians have their dark moments and far from perfect. I don't frolic through meadows of daisies, see the goodness in all things, or wake up with a beaming ray of sunshine protruding from my smile....that is if I even smile that day.

I share my personal, intimate details with you all, from my struggles in marriage, work related issues, and random, corrupt thoughts born of flesh and sin. I want to share with you how anti-depressants work for me, and matters of the Spirit from my perspective, and maybe....just maybe someone out there can relate and know you aren't alone in your thoughts.

Why you ask? Because we never know when our time is up. We do not know the hour of the day in which God already knew from the beginning when our mortal bodies shall return to dust, and our soul is either greeted with open arms and love, or the gnashing and wailing of teeth.

Right now, I am still continuing to have issues with my wife. We had a pleasant evening together last night....dinner, conversation, and some time watching shows together in which we like. We also played a video game together and it was fun. It's as if the argument from earlier in the week never happened, and those are the times I miss and wish to think about more often....not the drama that sends voices escalating, causing sleep to be list, and headaches, and ill feelings towards each other.

My mother-in-law is planning on speaking with my wife tomorrow in regards to certain behaviors that everyone is aware of, and I'm sure my name will be involved. I know this is coming, my wife doesn't know that I know, and I hope my wife realizes her mother speaks to her out of love and concern and not our of judgement. I say this because I am emotionally spent right now and do not wish to endure or entertain any altercation at this point, but these things always have a tendency to backfire against yours truly.

I have a great relationship with my in-laws, or at least I hope to think I do (a relationship my own mother and wife do not share however). I have come to them in the past, and they listen and advise in earnest....something I am so thankful for.

I am a little stressed out now. Of course I imagine my wife walking in the door tomorrow and laying into me for possibly airing dirty laundry. But I need to 'man-up'. While I suppose the situation could possibly deteriorate further, I am hoping for a miracle....that my wife may need to hear from someone else that I love her and I care and that marriage should be a bonding experience not something to tear us apart...because that is not what God wants for any of his children. And because we do not know how long our life is to be...that we exit this realm in good standing and not at odds with those we love.