A request for prayer.

Friends,

I humbly come before you to request your prayers, for both the state of my heart and the behaviors of my spouse.

Last night was one of those nights that takes a single episode to help blow out any previous progress I think we have made together.

I received a call last night at 5pm from my wife who said she was going to go out with a co-worker for a 'couple of hours', and that she would call me before she left and see if I wanted her to bring me home dinner.

The first thing that went through my head before I even responded was..."Right...Yet another example of how drinks and cigarettes and social fun take precedence over your husband." But, she did call me and offer dinner and I said 'okay', not wanting to be the bad guy.

Well a 'couple of hours' turned into 6 hours. She arrived home somewhat after 11pm last night, without a single word of explanation. She had clearly been drinking too...not a beer or two, but she was clearly buzzed.

No, I received no phone call, nor any offer of dinner as previously offered. I kinda figured by 8pm I was on my own, so I made myself dinner and spent time with my dog.

I'm not sure if I am angry, hurt, disapointed, or whatever my emotional state is right now. We didn't speak at all this morning. She knew I was in 'deep thought', and of all things to say to me, she asked "Why are you crabby.", in which I responded "I'm not." I didn't want to fight this morning, nor argue. I also don't want to talk to her right now either.

I don't know why, I'd think I'd learn by now, but I'm always astounded on non-chalant her attitude is about her daliances. Maybe I'm off my rocker, but I just think these actions are beyond rude and show no respect towards me at all. This isn't the first time this has happened, and I doubt it would be the last. It's moments like these I wish I was not married at all. I think that sometimes my emotional state and mental health would be much better otherwise. I could tell her how much this hurts me, but I wonder what good it would do? My sife just doesn't 'get it', and I always end up looking like the bad guy....always. There is really something to be said for the saying of entering into a relationship with someone who is "equally yoked." I feel that my wife and I aren't, and I look book over the past 5 years and wonder if we ever were.

Not only does this single incident really bother me, but its the aloof attitude and pattern of these decisions as well. I will hear for days on end as to why she is so tired to walk the dog for 20 minutes, how much work she has, doesn't have time for church, how she never has any time.....and then I see she has ample time to be out 6 hours for drinking and smoking, she has ample time to go bowling 3-4 hours on Mondays,...basically, at least in my eyes.....she always finds the time when alcohol and influential friends are involved, and everything else takes second fiddle.

Yes, I'm venting a bit now, and sorry if I come across as a victim and ramble on. I'm requesting prayer that Christ help change my outlook, give me peace of mind and settle my heart, and continue with forgiveness and understanding. I also ask that prayers be extended to my wife as well, to help her realize this behavior, not just for my sake, but her own safety as well can be destructive. I do love my wife...I'm just not sure I like being married right now.