Thank you's

I want to thank those that leave comments or send me letters through my hotmail account.

Many of you stay anonymous, and while I can understand the reasoning behind it, I wish I could put a name to you all personally.

Like the last person who left a comment about Christian Love Stories....about a woman who has medical issues, and her husband, and the love they share through Christ. Thank you...I added the link to the right as well. It touches me, and it saddens me at the same time. While I do not envy her situation and am very sorry for her physical pain and hardships, I do envy the love she shares with her mate. Something I have been praying about for years and have yet to achieve.

Other than my sweet dog, and the occasional communion with Christ through prayer, it can be very hard at times to feel so alone in this world. I wish it were easier. I also wish I could say that all your comments gave me a boost of confidence to wake up everyday and thank Jesus for a beautiful day and keep me going to be a representative of Him.

But I'd also be lying to myself and to you.

I recently told by someone who doesn't really know me all that well, that he and his wife had been praying for me. He says he sees me at church, alone, and told me lovingly yet bluntly "You look like you have had all your confidence drained from you, and we pray that it is restored." Well, believe me when I say I didn't know how to respond. A meek 'Thank you" you came from my lips to know that someone is praying for me, but the flip side is 'Am I really that obvious? Do I really look like I can throw in the towel?'

The sad truth is, the answer is 'yes'. I have often thought about running away from my current life. My marriage. My career. My family. Does that make me a coward? I suppose to some people it does. I have often thought/wished I had never been born. To say life is a gift to cherish...yes, at times it is. At other times, I cannot help but argue in my own head that if I had never been born to begin with, I wouldn't really know the difference to treasure life or not. So non-existence would have protected me from feeling so alone.

I have no idea on where I am going with this right now other than a brain dump right now, so instead of rambling in a circle as I can often tend to do, I will stop.