Dol-drums

I think that spelling is what is generally accepted, but I'm not positive. That's how I feel today. I'm a bit tired; actually more tired than even I think I let on. This morning it was very gray and overcast outside with fog.....a day I would have liked to stay in bed for a bit longer even if I couldn't sleep.

I had a large cup of over-priced Starbucks this morning, and even that 20 oz IV drip of caffeine hasn't seemed to get me jump started today.

I glance at the clock and realize it's only lunch. A 200 calorie cup of instant Pad Thai noodles is my vice today, and while it sounded good at the store, it has left me grossly unsatisfied to say the least.

As was my dinner last night.

Shredded Trader Joe's BBQ chicken, nuked, and served over an open faced wheat hamburger bun. It was later than I would have liked, so I only ate one, but I told my wife it had no real taste anyway, so the thought and energy of making a second one never got off the ground.

Yesterday was Halloween.

I'm not sure what to make of this 'Holiday' anymore.

When I was a child, my parents took me trick or treating and it was a big thing. I was Steve Austin (the Bionic Man) once, Frankenstein, a ghost, and Tweety Bird amongst other characters.

Then one year when my parents got seriously religious I was scared into not celebrating Halloween any longer, lest I be giving homage to Satan and his minions. Instead, I was dropped off at a 'Harvest Festival' at my church at the time for cold pizza, some board games, and store bought treats.

I never really celebrated Harvest Festival again after that one year, nor did I partake in Halloween again until I was in college. And in college, it was more about an excuse to have throw back some beers and meet girls than it was about dressing up.

I remember that I was always leery about Halloween. Part of me enjoyed the idea of a party, a time to have fun, a time to have a few drinks and socialize....but the other part of me was indeed scared that I was not taking Christianity seriously, that perhaps Christ was frowning down upon me, that maybe, just maybe I was glorifying the evil one.

I have not worn a costume for about 15 years now, and I have no children to be faced whether I Trick or Treat or not.

Personally I dread Halloween, not necessarily for occultic overtones, but the sheer fact I hate opening the door every 2 minutes and handing out candy to kids that are generally impolite or feel I 'owe' them something for coming to my door. My wife thinks I'm a 'fuddy-duddy', but in all seriousness I count the hours until it's over.

There is a strong christian family that lives across from me, and this year they handed out candy and let their kids 'ToT'. My atheist neighbor who claims to be a very 'spiritual' person besides the fact she doesn't believe in God also was passing out candy.

My mother made a strange comment to me the other day which I just listened to and did not reply. I've been playing it over in my head since: "Maybe I was too hard on you as a kid for stopping you from participating in Halloween. I think I allowed certain Christian beliefs to go overboard in protecting you."

Now that she said that, it bothers me. It bothers me that my mother now thinks Halloween is okay from her spiritual side, that participating in handing out candy for 2-3 hours will not send me directly to hell. My conscious ebbs back and forth on my moms self-revelation. Sometimes I get mad that she robbed me of certain childhood memories in the name of 'faith', I also think she was 'right' at times. While I do not personally think that handing out candy will indeed send me to hell, I also recognize that the occult is indeed glorified on this day and does not sit well with me. Hence, I look forward to when the day comes and goes within a matter of hours.

I read from ChristianAnswers.net some articles regarding Harvest Festivals and Halloween and what should Christians should do. The authors equated that Harvest Festivals were just as bad as Halloween in a biblical sense, because it is a 'substitute' holiday meant to supplant one occultic day with something else to fill the void, and this is dangerous. In the end, even Harvest Festivals are made up of games, treats, etc...perhaps not with scary costumes, but to give children something to do in light of ToT and was sending mixed messages.

Personally, I can understand this point and even find myself agreeing with it. But what do 'I' do? My neighbors and wife continue to pass out candy. I sit outside because I am determined not to answer the door every minute, and I see some of the clever costumes. I even talk with some of the parents and wish them well and safety. I don't have the heart to deny children something they don't yet understand, but I can only pray. I sit in silence and quietly commune with God and Christ that I recognize this day is rife for spiritual attacks, and I pray for the kids, my neighbors, myself...that we don't take this day too seriously. That God knows my heart and the struggle within, and how do I set the correct example when I am not even sure how I genuinely feel myself.

The only non-confusing thing I do know, and I hope you realize I'm not trying to make a joke of it...is that my wife picked out all the Kit-Kat's just for me. Kit-Kat's are my favorite candy bar and now I have quite a few of them to enjoy.