Stress

The last few days it seems my stress levels have been slightly elevated, specifically in regards to personal finance and salvation.

While it seems these are two totally un-related subjects, there are portions of both that complex and seem to overlap.

Overall, I have less stress today than a year ago. No recent panic attacks. No shortness of breath. No severe tightening in the chest. But my sleep is a little restless, I tend to have more vivid and chaotic dreams as of late, and my patience with my wife and dome of her priorities seem to push my buttons just right.

Coupled with all that above, I've been reading a lot of Revelations lately, and subject matter on the various judgements, those being the Bema and the Great White Throne judgement. I've not only been thinking of my own salvation, but I have had a lot of random thoughts in my head regarding the salvation of my friends and families, and now complete strangers.

With the recent earthquake in Peru, the suicide bombings in Iraq, plane crashes, mine colapses, fires and random violence, it just seems as if hundreds are dying at any givin moments and I cannot help but wonder the state of their hearts and souls. I know Christ says not to worry about tomorrow, but I find that very hard not to do! I worry about a lot of things, including myself, and now complete strangers. While I don't think that is entirely bad, I also know it is becoming somewhat consuming and makes me unbale to relax. I really do need a vacation. Sure I could save money and buy something for our house, but it seems thats all I do......Save money for something that always seems to need to be fixed or replaces....yet I hardly spend any money on 'frivoulous' things like weekend getaways.

I was watching the BBC series Planet Earth, and I cannot tell you in those three hours how many wonderful things I saw that I woudl like to experince myself. There was a whole segment on Panda bears, and at the end of 20 minutes, I secretly now have a desire to go to China. Not to Hong Kong or Beijing.....but to go to the wilderness and see cherry blossom trees bloom. To smell what fresh bamboo smells like. Wierd?

I've had a glass of wine every night this week. There really is no reason why, other that the bottle is there, and at the moment there is a strong desire to have some. I don't even use a wine glass. I just pour it in a tumbler like I would a gin & tonic.

Last night my feet were sore. My body was aching from all the walking I do at work. By 9:30pm all I could think of was crawling in bed and having a peaceful sleep. I didn't make it to bed before 10:30, and I was sound asleep shortly thereafter. I had some not pleasant dreams....not really nightmares....but dreams that nonetheless made me feel uncomfortable, and they were spiritual in matter...that I am sure of. Visions of friends from years ago filled my mind. Some I haven't seen in 10 or more years...some even from high school, and all I knew was there was a feeling that their salvation was at stake. I awoke at around 2:45am and prayed silently. Not extactly 100% sure what I prayed for other than some peace of mind and one friend in particular. Maybe I should look him up and see how he is doing.

I finally got up this morning, and propably wasn't in the best of moods. My wife is delinquent on some bills that are supposed to be her responsibility, and to be honest, I don't try to pry to much on where her money goes. I do know that I feel her priorities are backwards at times, and she tends to put personal stuff ahead of marital stuff, and that bugs me to a certain extent. I've brought up my concerns before with what I consider valid examples and logic, but all then ends me up in is an argument. I often wonder how she would cope on her own if I or some other schlub wasn't around. Seriously, one thing that seems to keep our marriage everything that I think it should be is her non-prioritization of money. I notice that when it comes to certain bills, she often comes up short and the bill ends up in my lap, but she miracously has money to do things she wants in her social life. Her happy hour once or twice a week with her immature friends seems to take priority over more important things, and how dare I bring light to the situation lest I am holding finances over her head.

Yeah, my tone is a littel stronger today. A little un-christian like some may say, but hey...I'm human...and she ticks me off at times. Unless she walks a day in my shoes she has no idea how my mind and stress gets elevated.