Calm before the Storm?

Well, today is the day.

I have made a decision in my life to help me move forward, and I cannot help but wonder if it truly is the right thing.

I was at peace last night for the first time in a long time. I actually slept pretty soundly and did not wake up at some ridiculous hour. Before I hit my pillow, I prayed a silent prayer inside my head asking God to reassure me. Though I did not receive an audible answer or an immediate 'gut feeling' within, perhaps the answer was a good night sleep.

I came to work today, most likely for the very last time at with this company, and again I seem to see-saw between nervous butterflies and a strange calmness. I accepted a letter of intent yesterday with another company and sent it to them after hours, and I have been trying to confirm they received it this morning before I do anything drastic. I'd say it's a 99.9% lock, but I'd still like the verbal response they did receive my acceptance before I resign later today. That is not going to go over to well...

I do feel a certain amount of guilt paigns about this today, but I truly want to believe that God presented this other opportunity to me for a reason, and that I learned a very long, but humbling lesson from Him. To be patient through difficult times, and that only when I realize that He is in control and my heart was in a better place would he open the doors for me.

I spoke with another Christian today and shared my feelings. The guilt paigns are a result of my work ethic. Despite all the other difficulties, mindsets, and moods I have been experiencing, I always had a heart to work hard and give it my all. However, in this case the employer has never put me first, and while I struggle with walking away on a job I believe I am good at and want to help people, the culture here has made it evident they will never help me. Specifically the team I work with. I'm sad to say that the team I work with is not really a team at all, though I despretely always wanted to work with them and have never said 'no' to any of their requests.

Not once.

But as actions speak louder than words, it is through long observation that I know each member is in for themselves only, and I cannot work anymore under those conditions.

It may sound as if I think 'I know better than they', or maybe slightly egotistical. I wish I could find the right words to describe the unpleasant nature and selfish ethics of my peers, but I can only say you have to 'live it to understand it'.

So, for the first time ever in my life, I plan on quitting today with no notice. To walk out the door at the appropriate time and never look back. It's scary, and believe me, I am not taking this lightly.