When it rains.....

Yesterday was the atypical Monday. Where Murphy's Law reigns supreme, and you feel as if you're a spectator watching your own demise and there's not much you can do.

I had a difficult day at work yesterday. First, I was late to work. Second, the people I 'report' to, are not very helpful at all. They have many insecurities which I recognize because I suffer from them as well. But I think I suffer in a different way....I recognize my issues often have a spiritual component, and I don't think the others do about their own plights. As still sort of an outsider, I look into their world with their interactions towards each other and see so much tension, power plays and very un-healthy politicking taking place between them.

I have only shared my spiritual beliefs with one, and was somewhat saddened to learn this individual was more or less agnostic. The others I seriously doubt have much beliefs either, or if they do, it cerntainly doesn't play out in the workplace.

Anyway, I was supposed to drive to one of our secondary locations to complete a task when my car wouldn't start. After multiple attempts I had to call the auto club for a jump. This was all before 9am. All I could think of was $$$ and no matter how many inroads I make forward, it alsways seems there is a nwe obstruction in my path. So I had to drive to three different places until I found one that would take a look at my car. It appears it is a combination of my battery and starter caused by some leaky valves. A new battery will limp me through the next few weeks, but a new starter, replacement of the valves and labor is going to be over $1000. Plus I need 2 new tires as well. Not only are the costs going up, I'm off the clock, not earning any money as I try to solve this. With property taxes due, and income taxes around the corner...I am a little stressed out.

I sat in my car and prayed. Prayed that even though the problems still needed to be fixed, that I woudl have peace for the remainder of the day. Instead I cried for a few minutes. My crying stems from frustration and sometimes a feeling of being buried. In the large scheme of things, I realize its just another day. That innocent people died today from violence. That there are so many worse thinsg in the world right now, and here I am worrying about my car which is 11 years old. It's time to get a new car anyway, but I wanted to buy one on my terms, when I am ready, not because of fialing I cannot control. Is this yet another test? Is this God showing me that he is the master of all and wanting me to give it all to him and pray? Or is it the enemy just wanting to mess with me more, planting more doubt and anger in me.

I don't know.

But I feel like the person in the picture above. Solitary. No one else gives a rats ass about my issues. And why should they?