Why am I so bad at this? I'm usually pretty darn good on follow through in other aspects in my life, but I have a convienent tendancy to update this blog when I really want to. I wonder if that is a subconscious defense mechanism on my behalf?
In a way, maybe it's a good thing to space these out the way they are...so much happens in such short time frames, I figure by the time I write something, it's already changed again.
So in no particular order....
Medication: I've been off my pills for about two weeks now. It always happens by forgetting that one in the morning, and before you know, I foget again by day to, and then day 3, and soon it's 2 weeks. I feel 'okay' for the most part, nothing super wild has happened to make my mood swing in eitehr direction. I've been fairly busy...at work and at home and a few social engagements that I suppose my mind has not had a chance to get trapped into thinking about the things I generally get mired too deep in. So why am I writing about this today? Because yesterday my wife called me to remind me to go to CVS and pick up my perscription refill last night. When I opened the door, she was there with my step-daughter and neighbor and made an innocent quip about "Got your 'happy' pills?"
I secretly hate when she mentions this, innocent or not. Especially in front of my step-daughter and neighbor. Great...let's hand out fliers to the cul-de-sac and let them know a potentially bi-polar enighbor whose been known to sob uncontrollably one minute and flash anger the next live on the corner. Thank goodness my wife has never heard me discuss the my thoughts when I was at my lowest a couple of years ago...I'd hate to let it slip that yours truly was praying for the ultimate God visit.
Step-daughter: Supposedly graduates with her GED equivelant in two weeks (a year late mind you). Any plans beyond that? Nope. No discussion of community college or trade school or moving out. No direction. No driver's license. No state ID for that matter. I secretly want her gone. I want my house back. I want the spare room back....and clean (it's so dirty now). I want the peace and quiet back from her 'know-it-all' attitude. I imagine in the next few months we'll have to sit down with her and get her to commit to some kind of plan on way or the other or move-out. It's getting the support from my wife that's going to be hard. That seems to flip flop one day to the next.
Finances: Well, I can honestly say the blood-letting has stopped as far as I can tell. We're far from being out of the woods, but at least we aren't sinking or burying ourselves any further. We signed up with a Christain debt counseling service and submitted all our stuff, but it seems to be taking much longer than I anticipated to get this thing off the ground. Right now we have cancelled all her credit cards and most of mine and are waiting for them to let us know the next step. I may have to ping them on this today.
We did combine our accounts, and I have a better idea on what we are spending, but I'm a tad disapointed my wife seems only semi-serious about this whole thing. I suspect she's counting on me to 'take-over' because she shows little effort and only partial restraint in keeping tabs on the combined account, but when I do question a few things she gets defensive all over again and has a convient answer for everything. So while the overall situation has improved, it's not where I'd like to see it, or where she originally agreed upon.
As far as our relationship together goes, it too has improved, but still has it's moments. My wife is fiercly independant and while I can admire some aspects of that, other times it's just spiteful stuborness. Still can't get her to go to church with me or cut back her smoking. I don't like some of her surprises as they are decisions that also impact me and I still feel I'm the last person to find out at times. On the flipside, she does tell me she loves me more than she used to, does things for me here and there, but still not outwardly affectionate.
Anyway, I think that about sums everything up for now, so hopefully next entry will see a new chapter or topic.
1 comment:
It sounds like you have a few positive upswings. You can rejoice i that. I understand your situation from many aspects.
It's good to see your wife and you have consolidated finances. It creates a simpler situation and she shouldn't need to hide purchase and debt from you.
Smoking - It took me over 3 years to get my wife to quit. I loathed the habit and underestimated how hard it would be for her to give it up. One thing I can tell you is that your wife must want to quit with every fiber in her being before it will actually take hold.
Good luck and God Bless. I will be checking in on your blog again soon.
- James
Post a Comment