Is my wife starting to take notice?

By nature, both my wife and I are not morning people. I do adjust a lot faster in the AM than my wife does once I have a cup of coffee. I tend to be usually much more active and productive in the morning than most people once I have my caffiene, but I do tend to operate alone. I'm not one for small talk, idle banter, or "cheery good mornings" first thing upon waking.

Neither is my wife. She actually tends to sleep in a bit longer than myself, although she does go to bed a bit later than me on average as well. However, I noted that the last few weeks, she has been sleeping less and even getting up earlier than me during the week, whereas I have actually been sleeping a bit better and later.

I usually get up at around 6:15 and feed the dog by 6:30, and very rarely do I get to go back to bed for any kind of snoozing. Lately, however, since my wife has been getting up earlier and feeding the dog, I've been lucky and been able to sleep in until 7am or even 7:15.

Why the chnage in my wifes behavior?

Her own stress.

As I mentioned, it's been a little dicey as of late with our finances. I've been doing my best taking care of the big things, and trying to cover her shortfalls as well, but this has drained our saving (I should say 'my' saving as we have seperate accounts) where I can't cover her anylonger. I think she knows this now. We both have made plenty of sacrifices over the last year, and even more so over the last couple of months.

It's been a struggle, but we survive. There's been no vacations, no luxuries, no frivolous spendings. There has been more bagged lunches, cheap dinners, and making other household goods stretch a bit further and longer.

It's been an adjustment for both of us, and while I can't say it's been easy or that I like it, we've been dealing with it. What else can we do but deal with it? But I really can't make any more sacrifices myself. Other than a single magazine subscription that I just renewed and the occasional used book or discounted game, there really isn't anything left for me to cut out. (A nice side benefit I suppose is the fact I'm hardly buying any more liquor either....just an odd side note).

But how did we get here? Well, as I've said before, and I think I am being as honest and fair as I can possibly be, my wife hasn't done us any favors in the past with her spending habits. No, she doesn't go out and buy $200 dresses or $100 shoes. She doesn't drive a fancy car or expensive furniture. She does however tend to put a lot of crap on credit cards including lunches with girlfriends. She gets her nails done a lot, and seems to get a lot of other small stuff. The problem is this: her credit cards are already at very high interest rates and all she does is make the minimum payments. She is also generous with her friends for lunches, also charging these, and maybe the generosity is always 'reciprocated'. So over time, the interest alone is beginning to outpace what she can pay onthe minimum payments. Now it didn't happen overnight, but despite my warnings and naggings and her assurances....what wasn't supposed to happen did....I'm just the only one who isn't in denial about it.

Okay, that's neither here nor there at this point. Suffice to say my wife's current paychecks are basically spent now as soon as she gets them....either to credit card companies or 'fees' assessed by the bank on bounced checks and overdraft protection. It's not that I am ignorant of any of this, it's just that I kinda gave up for right now and find my stress level is much lower if I don't know every detail.

Well, while this may work a bit for my stress, it apprantly has caught up with my wife and now she is stressed out...much more than she leads on.

So this morning, as I came downstairs, getting my coffee fix, and trying to wake myself up, my wife begins to talk to me of her own free will:

I guess she went to her mother sometime this last week and asked for her mother to co-sign a loan fro $10k. This will supposedly pay off her credit cards, and also get the bank off her back. She told me that she has already closed one account and that she is going to get rid of her public storage unit that she is 2 payments behind on (and something I've been lobbying to get rid of for years). She wants to close her checking account and have her check deposited into my account and allow me to be in charge of all the bills. I would give her a weekly allowance. She even mentioned she may have to temporarily give up her *bowling* league for a season (a re-occuring weekly cost of $25-50 every Monday evening).

So I think it is finally sinking into her that she is over her head and all her hard work and long hours is only covering her late fees and interest...that past actions and decisons *she* made has put *us* in a bind.

Now is it 100% her doing? No. I've done a few splurgings on occassion. I've let my eyes be bigger than my wallet here and there. But our situation is 80% my wife and 20% me. I know that may not seem fair or nice, but since we do have seperate accounts, and money isn't pooled, it's easy for me to do the math. I know exactly everything I pay for, and while it's tight, and I skip a lunch here and there, I don't have the bank calling me up and I do not have late fees.

So here's the big caveat to the loan fro my wife. Her mother only agreed to co-sign if we both had a sit down talk with her and bring our bank statements. Her mother admitted this may be a huge invasion of privacy, but I can't blame her. She isn't going to go in on a loan for her daughter if she can't get an accurate accounting of where the current money is going.

I really don't have a problem with this at all. I have nothing to be ashamed of or hide from my mother-in-law. My accounting is rock solid and my spending habits can be all justified. I think my wife is more nervous, as now she won't just have to passify me, but now explain to her mom and most likely her dad. I feel a stern, yet loving, lecture coming our way, and I'm okay with it.

I think her parents need to know. They need to know that I am doing my very best, that I'm not just spending willy-nilly, that my own advice to my wife has never sunk in and I can't cover her anylonger. To me, this actually may be a saving grace moment. I won't be alone in this struggle any longer and my wife can't be in denial any more either. It will relieve some stress off my back as I feel the knowledge is out there. She is going to have to make some promises and deals with her parents....and I'm okay with that.

I am thankful that my wife came to me and seems to understand the severity of our financial issues. That we can't continue to live paycheck to paycheck, barely keeping our eyes above water. I hope that this may even bring us closer together. That she trusts me with her money and knows that I have both of our best interests at heart. That I'm not going to lose my cool or top, and use this situation as a building process moving forward.

I know this is a longer than usual post, but it feels good to get it out there. Now as I pointed out to my wife this morning, it's up to her to get this ball rolling. If she's serious, she needs to start putting this all in motion and commit to a time frame. She has a tendency to have all these ideas, but never follows through on them. Well, I'm here to support her, but I'm not going to drive this. She says she'd liek to have this all taken care of (and close down the storage unit) by Nov. 1.

We'll see.