3+ weeks of Lexapro

Thank you Jamie for the last comments you left here and apologies for not updating sooner.

Before I talk about the Lexapro, I'm sad to say that the pastor that married my wife and I and who was a huge factor in me becoming a christian passed about a week and a half ago. It was prostate cancer that could have been dealt with early on if he'd gone to regular checkups, but didn't. By the time they caught it, it was advanced enough that it was too late to do anything.

I am indeed sad by this news, however, I'm not as sad as I think I should be, and I suppose that has to do with the Lexapro. It's hard to describe, but I am fully aware that the medication has indeed 'kicked' in and my highs and lows are minimized. The best way I can describe it is that while I can in fact foucs on things right now, I seem to be somewhat incapable of super multi-tasking. That means that I can usually juggle a 1/2 dozen thoughts or tasks at any given time without much concentration, but now it seems as if I can only do 2-3 at any moment and my focus and concentration has to be slightly more intense.

The best analogy I can come up with is that lets say without Lexapro my field of vision on events is almost 180 degrees and you can pick up things in the peripheral. Now that I am medicated again, my overall visionhas condensed to a smaller but more focused field of view, say 60 degrees of everything in front of me. Much of the peripheral 'noise' is gone or at least un-noticed.

I still haven't told my wife that I'm on the drugs, but I did share the news with my therapist and some of my mens bible study group. And even before I told them, they all said that seem to be more relaxed, cheery, and able to crack a smile for the first time in months. My therapist said that I seemed less intense and more relaxed that I had in the past, so apparently it smust be working to some degree.

While my emotions do feel a little less intense overall, it hasn't done too much for my patience and I have still been able to get angry at some bone-headed decions at work. So I'm definetly not perfect or did a complete about face with my emotions.

Two other side effects I've noticed as well: 1) libido & 2) fatigue.

On the libido front of course I still have carnal desires and thoughts. Those have not gone away, but let's say certain 'performance' issues have occured where it takes me much longer to, um, 'finish', and that's all I'll say about that.

Fatigue is the big one though: I am much more tired than before and usually don't have much problem falling asleep at night. But I seem to get tired and exhausted throughout the day moreso than ever. I can easily go out to my car at lunch at nap, or fall asleep sitting on the couch watching TV. Getting up in the morning takes a bit more effort as well, and I catch myself yawning much more. I've alos noticed that alcohol really intensfies the drowsy sensation. If I have a beer or two, it really makes me tired and ready for bed.

But I suppose it's good enough trade....I haven't had any anti-anxiety meds in almost 3 weeks where as I was popping them every other day. Family, friends, and co-workers have all said I'm a bit more 'chipper', and I know I don't have obsessive thoughts like before. This has also helped my marriage out as well.....at the very least we are getting along much better than before, although we don't agree on everything...and probably never will. It's much easier for me to walk away from the snarky remarks or incidents that would push my buttons.