Meds again

I don't take this offering to you very lightly, but after many weeks of long self-deliberation, I have decided to begin taking anti-depressants again.

These last few months I have gone through a lot of emotional trials and tribulations with my marriage, work, and other aspects of my personal life that I began to notice both physical and mental side affects. Among them were increased irritability, bouts of insomnia, stress related digestive issues, and an overall feeling of restlessness and anxiousness. Especially the anxiety. When your heart feels like it's about to explode out of your chest, and deep breathing exercises and other relaxation techniques don't seem to have any effect, it's time to see the doctor.

And I'm sad to admit even prayer and spending time in the Word did little to get my mind from drifting off on negative tangents.

It has been over three years now since I last took Lexapro, and despite my continued attempts to find a 'happy' medium in my life, whether it be from God, counselors, friends, or family, it just wasn't always working. I'd have a few good days, and then once incident could shatter all the good stuff that came right before it.

In my line of work, I can't afford to be short, crabby, or irritable with the customers or my peers, and that is exactly what was happening. Then I'd get home, take my dog for a walk, and the problems surrounding my marriage seem to compound and take on a life of their own. By the time it was late enough to go to bed, my mind was so worked up, I could no longer turn it off. And then when it came to prayer to address those helpless feelings, I'm sorry, I still couldn't let go, and thus I would become physically uncomfortable as if I were about to have a panic attack with my heart racing.

So this past Thursday I went to see my doctor and we agreed that perhaps I should get back on the Lexapro and instead on Clonzepam for anxiety, I would be given generic Xanax (0.25mg) per tablet.

Suffice to say, I have only taken one Xanax since Thursday, but have taken my Lexapro every day now since Thursday. It generally takes about 1.5-2 weeks for your body to adjust and the Lexapro to kick in, so hopefully by the upcoming weekend I will feel more even for the time being.