The Day of Reckoning

It is 7pm right now and I sit home alone as my wife left to visit her friends about an hour and a half ago.

She's angry right now and not in the mood to talk to me. While she says she doesn't 'hate' me right now, it's clear she doesn't want to be around me this evening. She feels betrayed and humiliated.

Last night she asked me to joing her for dinner, and we actually had a very nice time. For the first time in weeks, we were laughing and joking, and smiling, and while it wasn't perfect, it was the closest thing I've experienced to the old us...of years back...before the depression hit me.

For a brief minute I thought about calling the whole thing off today, but I knew in the back of my head that one evening of getting along doesn't make up for all the previosu weeks and months of heartbreak, tears and loneliness.

She awoke at 6:15 which is unusual for her on a Saturday morning, and I laid in bed staring at the cieling until just before 7am. 2.5 hours to go.

I came downstairs and had a cup of coffee...and again there she was on Facebook. I watched some recorded tv, and she glanced up from time to time, and Ikept looking at the clock. As we got closer to 9am, I began to get nervous. I knew it wasn't going to go well.

I received a text message on my cellphone. It was a gentleman from church who was wishingme luck and stating that I was in his prayers. My legs felt wobbly, and once again, just liek the Sunday before, I felt as if I were about to faint.

My in-laws shows up right on time, and when my wife saw them, became slightly suspicisous, but cordial to them. It's when my own father showed up in the driveway just minutes later did she finally start putting two and two together....and then there was the look directed towards me....the look of pure venom and daggers as she knew what was about to take place. If looks could kil, I received the death glare multiple times over and she scurried upstairs.

I called to her to come down, and after two or three minutes, her father went upstairs to ask her to come down.

I won't go into all the gory details, but the fact is my wife felt betrayed. She asked me how I could do this to her...that this was between her and I...and I just replied, I wish it were that simple, but since you will not and have not taken an opportunity to speak with me in over 12 days and I see no effort on your behalf to even attempt a meeting, I agreed for her parents to interject.

Her mother, her father, and myself took turns trying to speak in a calm and rational voice, but my wife was clearly in denial and anger. After presenting a few pieces of evidence from her parents, she finally admitted that she had problems, that she takes full resposnibility for them, but she wasn't ready. Her mother stepped up to the plate on my behalf and siad her actiosn and answeres were not acceptable, that it went beyond just our marriage, but how my wife has changed in general the last year or so. My father in law point blank asked her on what she was doing to save the marriage and what efforts that she had made, and she admitted that she had not done anything. They did it in a loving way and I felt that all the so called progress we made just the day before was starting to slip from my grasp once again.

I reiterated that I do not seek a divorce or speration, and neither did she....but it was clear that her anger towards me was tangoible for orchestrating such a coup. She then realized that her sister and brotehr-in-law was alos in on it as now it made sennse why they offered to take our step-daughter this weekend.

The whole talk lasted no more than an hour, and my wife relucantly agreed to make an appointment for a counsler next week. She promised both her mom and dad and said however that things weren't going to be fixed in a week or two, and I said I didn't expect them to be, but this was the first step. When everyone said it was going to get uglier beofre it gets better, they were all right. My family said I did the right thing, and they all said they were proud of me and reiterated that they know that I have given it my all....but why then do I feel so crappy and alone.

After everyone left by noon, it was apparant my wife is now going to avoid me and give me the cold shoulder. I expected it to a certain degree, but the look on her face spoke volumes....I am far from being out of the woods by any means, but I guess it;s a good idea she isn't staying her tonight. I hope she doesn't do anything to crazy or drink to much and get hurt.

My inlaws and father were happy with the answer she gave that she would go to counseling next week, and I suppose I just need to see and wait to see if it does come to fruition. This is indeed the very last step and chance. If she fails to comply, thenI know she didn't mean anything today, and that she doesn't want to try even though she said she does. I guess it's a stay for a week, and by next week...or two...I amy have to move forward by asking her to leave. But at least the big event is now over, and hopefully the healing can begin....but knowing the pride and stubborness of my wife....it's going to take all the patience I already don't have to mentally survive the next week or so. I already dread the silent treatment I kknow I am about to receive tomorrow when she returns.