Still no news

It's been about 25 -26 hours since I first heard the news regarding my friend 'R', and unfortunately I have nothing new to report.

Last night my wife worked late and I heard her come in around 10:30pm or so. I was upstairs fiddling around and it was fairly quiet. After waiting about 15 minutes or so for my wife to say something I went ahead and walked down stairs where she was aimlessly trying to straighten up the kitchen. I figure it was just something out of habit to do with keeping busy or moving her hands as I noticed her placing perfectly clean dishes into the dishwasher.

I looked at her face and could tell she had been crying. I don't see my wife cry very often. People often say I'm the sensitive person in the family and she's the rock (which is true depending on the circumstance).

I asked her what was the matter, and after a very long pause (as if she was collecting her thoughts) she spilled out a torrent of repetitive sentences "How do I help her? What can I do?", clearly referencing her friend, the ex-fiance of R.

The best I could do is allow her to talk, to open up, to continue to spill....not to interrupt and make all those stupid cliches I despised so much some time back. Finally, when she took a breath I attempted to counsel her that her involvement right now is one of prayer. As human beings, we want to fix things ourselves, often leaving God and Christ by the wayside. Her girlfriend is very distraught as I expected and has already began blaming herself, and my wife is frustrated that she doesn't know what to do.

I tried to explain her friend probably would be oblivious to any advice we can give her, or any forced interjection on our behalf. Let her go through the natural stages of emotions over the next few days and the only thing we can do is to let her know she can talk to us when she is willing, ready, and able. That the best we can do is let her know that we will be praying...not only for 'R', but that that she has peace of mind and an inner strength. I told my wife if she couldn't think of anything to do or say right now, then turn to God and ask Him to use her as a vessel and she'll know in her heart what her actions should be. Ask Christ to walk with you and be with you when you see your friend. It's not the two of you tackling this problem by yourselves, its you with the addition of Christ. Before you pick up the phone, before you drive over to her house, before you see her...PRAY. Pray that God fills you with wisdom, and even if you don't understand or recognize it now, that He will make Himself known to those that need and seek strength and courage.

I truly think it's the enemy telling us "Ha! Look at you now. Where is your God in the midst of this tragedy. He has abandoned you and you are failing as a friend." NOT SO. Pray that the chains of oppression and guilt and lack of worth are overcome. Man, I wish I could take my own advice at times.

We finally went to bed at around 11:30pm after she did much of the discussing and I did much of the listening. I held her hand in bed for at least 20 minutes to let her know I was there, and that I am praying...not only for R, but for my wife and R's ex-fiance.

In a very rare moment, my wife told me (and in the first time in a long time I believed her) that she loved me, and she rubbed my back for a moment.

Today I called her at work and asked if she had heard any more news. She hadn't. And neither have I. My attempts at calls have been met with endless ringing or answering machines and I'm sure we are in for another evening of awkwardness as it's hard to relax and be social with others on a Friday evening when you want to know how your friends are doing, especially when one is in R's condition.