I decided to take Friday off of work last week for a 'mental health' day. At least that's what I hear people are calling what once was known as 'playing hooky'.
My past job of 10 years, I rarely took a day off....the only times I ever recalling taking time off was when I was very ill with food poisoning or the time I hurt my back. I rarely even took vacations. When I was 'let go' after 10 years, they actually had to pay me out 3 weeks of vacation time I had saved up because I never went anywhere.
Even in High School, I was such a nerd, I even got an award for not missing one day of school in 4 years. No joke.
I'm trying to take a different approach to life now. Last week I had a very frustrating Thursday at work. Nothing was going right, and it was warm, and by the time I got home I was dead tired, sweaty, and sore. Things were piling up around the house like laundry, dishes, taped television and a few other things....so I decided to stay home. And it was nice. I caught up on TV, cleaned our office, did a few loads of laundry, took our dog for a nice long walk, and even had the chance to play some video games uninterrupted.
The neighborhood did have some drama however on Friday. It seems the husband to our next door neighbor came over unexpected as a bunch of us were outside. Within minutes the police were over and temporally cuffed him. I felt for him...I'm sure he was embarrassed beyond belief (I know I would be) and didn't want to make eye contact with any of us. It really had to be magnified since it was pure coincidence we were all outside when this went down. The sad thing is I really do sense a few of our neighbors turning on him...calling him names and talking bad about him....and yet no one knows the whole story. I suppose I'm really sensitive to this because I said I see a lot of parallels between him and me...his wife and mine...his situation and my situation.
After 30 minutes and once the police let him go and they left, and he then left with his head hung low...the husband bashing continued. After another ten minutes or so, I finally spoke up...and told them all without being ashamed that instead of condemning him for what we don't know, we should be praying for his mental health, her peace, and both of their stability. It was just a few weeks ago we were all his friends, and I'm somewhat surprised the tone people are beginning to form...based on nothing.
Saturday I went to men's bible study but I wasn't really enthralled. I like structure and was planning to continue our study in Corinthians, but instead we went way off topic to the point I was actually looking forward to leaving and wonder why I even showed up. I didn't go to church on Sunday either...I was still sore and tired and wanted alone time.
My wife wanted to talk to me yesterday afternoon too. Earlier she was balancing her check book and looking at her finances. She started the conversation by saying, "You're not going to yell at me are you? Don't be mad." Great, with an introduction like that I can only assume the worst, but I steeled myself, took a deep breath, and sat on the couch. "Okay, what's on your mind?"
She proceeded to tell me that she's broke...and tears began to form in her own eyes. I'm sorry, but I saw this coming. As you'll recall, we've argued about money before....And on occasion I've bailed her out in the past with her telling me she'll do better next time. To her credit she has improved, but she's managed to get in over her head again where she is just paying off finance charges anymore with nothing left. Yes, this is the same person who declared bankruptcy 6 years ago. I'd thought she'd learn from her mistakes...but apparently not. She's informed me she has 4 credit cards now and they are all maxed out. Two years ago she didn't have one.
And 4 credit cards later, what does she have to show for it? Sure a few clothes here and there, a few meals, a few holiday gifts....but not 4 maxed out credit cards worth. She says she may need to get another job unless 'we' figure something out. In a way, I almost want her to get another job...1) I don't want to keep being the bail out guy in lieu of her behaviors towards me at times, 2) It may keep her more busy so she's not involved in all the things I question at times, 3) She really needs to learn the lesson the hard way...because all the advice I've been giving for years....she either takes as an attack, or just plain dismisses altogether thinking I'm some control freak. I laugh when she says that inside. I'm a control freak? Apparently not...because we don't have a joint account, nor did I even know about all these maxed cards, so what control she thinks I have, I have no clue.
To make a long story short, she agreed to my idea that we'd both keep a daily journal for one month of every financial transaction (checks, cash, CC's, debit cards) and at the end of the month we'd compare and see if we find any patterns or area's we can both cut.
She's offered to turn everything over to me, and open one joint account where both our salaries are automatically deposited and I pay all the bills. This is something I offered years ago and was met with a lot of resistance. I remember this as being one of those moments where I was being 'controlling'. But now, years later, because it's now 'her idea', I guess it's okay. I'm a bit skeptical though.....what's to stop her in the future from arguing with me that I am in control of everything? Or, I don't give her enough allowance? I'm still trying to figure out how she went from 0 to 4 credit cards in the last 2 years. I'd think once two were maxed out a rational person coming off a bankruptcy would not open a 3rd let a lone a 4th.
Maybe I should be taking another mental health day.
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