3 weeks ago my wife came home and boldly claimed "That's it...Screw my job....They don't pay me for all this overtime I put in so I'm not doing it anymore and I'm gonna start coming home at 6pm and we'll walk the dog together."
I sat there for a minute not knowing how to react. It sounded good, but my wife always seems to make certain proclomations from time to time, yet they never seem to be executed.
As usual, I always delude myself into possibly believeing that she actually means it this time, only to be let down in either a few days or a few weeks. Why should this time be any different?
Because I'm a sucker and always like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Like I said.....I'm an idiot and a sucker.
The first few days it seemed okay. She was home by 6pm, give or take a few minutes, and we indeed walked the dog.
That was the first three days.
By day four she came home at 7pm and then said it was too hot for her to walk the dog, but I did anyway. The next day although she did come home a bit earlier, again it was apparantly to hot for us to walk the dog, but I went ahead and walked him anyway....by myself...again.
The following week disentigrated even further. We didn't walk the dog at all together, and her time coming home was again closer to 7pm. There was even one night she went to talk to the neighbor who is going through a rough patch with her husband and was over there for an additional hour.
Well, this week her schedule was as such: Monday night - bowling (double length), Tuesday night- later evening at work to catch up, Wed. night - visit the neighbor again, Thursday - a co-worker had a personal crisis (home at 8:15), Tomorrow is girls night out, and I just received an e-mail she is going to be at a co-workers birthday tonight and be home between 9-10 (my guess it'll be later...because every time my wife puts a time stamp on herself, I've learned its 'never' the time she first indicates) she said she told me 2 weeks ago. I don't remember her telling me, but I can't be sure.
So this week, we're back to sqaure one (it lasted all but 1 week) and I called her out on it: "What happened to this speech you gave me 3 weeks ago about 6pm and walking the dog, etc?" I thought I was being nice and said I'm a little confused between what was said and what is happening, and was honest in saying I feel I'm playing second fiddle to her friends, and I'm a little envious of her time she can devote to them, but not me.
Why do I set myself up for these things? You'd think I'd learn by now with almost 5 years under my belt. Keep my mouth shut.
No, instead I received a pretty snide and aggressive email stating "I didn't know we set an exact time on walking the dog." -And- "You're always playing Xbox or watching TV anyway way I come home." -And the kicker- "You're not the same fun person I married 5 years ago. You're a hermit and I don't want to be. I want to talk with friends instead of playing video games."
Arrgghhhh....See the circle here? Now it's my fault. If I understand this correctly, she hangs out with her friends and comes home late because I play video games too much or watching TV. Not because her statement of coming home at 6pm really means any random time between 6:30 and 9pm and I'm supposed to guess what time it is today, so instead....because I'm waiting around for someone who comes and goes at their own scheduling, I turn on a video game. I'll have you know, I've only turned on my X-Box once this whole week, and my Wii twice (I was actually exercising on my Wii Fit and not playing a came at all).
"I come home and your stuck in front of C.o.H or the TV."
Really? Funny, since I haven't played C.o.H. in over 8 months, and I'm watching TV after I walk the dog by myself to relax because YOU'RE NOT HOME YET. Should I be paininting the house? Twiddling my thumbs aimlessly? Pulling non-existant weeds? Something else to fill my alone time when YOU'RE NOT HERE!?! Please tell me, what should I be doing as to placate you since I have NO CLUE when you are coming home that is safe for me to avoid your wrath? Take up smoking? Drink more?
"You're turning into a hermit."
Why? Because I don't want to be a part of the neighborhood gossip clutch? Because I don't feel the need to have a drink everytime they get together and talk about the same mundane thing for the thousandth time in a row? Because I can predict exactly who will say what and when, and the topics are limited to the same 3 inane subjects?
This all sounds so bad after what my neighbors are currently going through, but I swear, its moments like this one right now I can understand why it looks easy to walk away from it all.
Don't be surprised if I don't have drink tonight.
1 comment:
Sorry to hear things are in such a horrid cycle again. I know how frustrating it can be to have a spouse who doesn't understand the depression and anxiety pattern that haunts us. We tend to enjoy time alone and time as a unit. It appears her social agenda is really cutting into anything you may have together as a man and wife. My ex-wife felt the need to constantly cater to others needs instead of focusing inward to our own issues.
Have you considered enjoying more time out with a friend? I know, for me, the hardest part of depression for me was realizing that I no longer wanted to be a social with my friends. However, I have realized that even forcing myself to go out and enjoy time with friends (or even alone) is a key part of staying sane.
Hang in there...I hope it gets better for you.
God Bless,
Jamie
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