As I said, I made the call at 3pm already dreading it as I dialed.
My mother answered and proceeded to launch into this long, drawn out, convoluted tale that a second cousin of mine supposedly also has Chronic Uticaria and has been living with it for 30+ years. Now I find this very odd only in the snese that when I had my initial breakout, I actually spent a few days with my cousin back in 2006 and both her and her husband seeing me in this state never offered up any information regarding her own bouts with uticaria, let alone make any snap diagnosis or advice on what to do.
What further began to annoy me (and I take full responsibility for my lack of patience), is the fact it took my mom almost 10 minutes to spit out a 15 second piece of information, with many backtracks and repetitions in the story.
The story was then followed up by the usual questions that I've answered at least 50 times before: "What are you taking? What are you eating? How many blood tests have you had? What medication are you taking? When was the last time? Will you see a hemotoligist if I set up an appointment?" My God, I feel like banging my head against the wall because I have this exact same conversation every single time and my answers are still the same and they don't waiver. I feel like I should write out a FAQ white paper and mail it to her.
As if that wasn't bad enough....my cousins husband (who has no medical training whatsoever) recommended to my mother that I stop taking antihistamines. WHAT? I have to remind my mother, yet again, that I have seen 4 seperate doctors and all 4 of them have prescribed to me the anti-histamines....and when I take them....my symptoms, while they do not disapear, are indeed lessened and makes my situation much more manageable.
This is then followed up by the often repeated knee jerk DON'T list: Don't eat tomatoes. Don't eat shellfish. Stay away from sushi. Don't drink alcohol. Don't go outside. Don't do this....don't do that....blah, blah, blah.
Mind you, the last few days I have had to explain everyone I come into contact with who sees me there question of "What's wrong?". The amount of pills I take everyday along with their various side effects makes me grumpy. Topped off with the way my wife carries on and on about it as well with her illogical conclusions really begins to push my buttons and grate on me.
Before you know it, I do indeed begin to lose it. I end up swearing in general out of frustration, which of course now sends my mother in a tizzy on the other end of the phone asking "Why do I treat her like this? Why am I swearing at her?", followed by by her infamous guilt trips. I'd like to point out that even though I did swear, it was not at my mother, it was to no one in particular....just an immature response to the ether from my built up tension.
My mother then turns the conversation into how I am ungrateful for her help and then manages to bring my dad into the picture as well. Now I am accused of not treating "them" with any respect, never picking up the phone, never returning calls (an outright fabrictaion of epic proportions), how Christianity hasn't taught me anything, and how I've changed the last few year...and not for the better.
I try an explain 'calmly' that she doesn't listen to me, that my frustration stems from the fact that every call lately is me answering the same questions over and over and over again. That no matter how manty times I tell her I've seen a doctor, or taken bllod tests, allergy tests, told her the medications I am currently taking....I have to start and explain from scratch each and every time. Couple that with actually living with the discomfort and playing Q&A with all my neighbors and coworkers...yes....I get a little agitated.
She eventually hung up on me in tears.
Of course I am saddened once again our conversations end the way they do. I do not want her to cry, nor did I mean to hurt her feelings. I also know and appreciate her concern and willingness to help. I am also sorry I swore out loud. However, I am not sorry that I said "You don't listen.", nor am I apologetic for pointing out the continued contradiction of some of her advice when it comes to what the doctors and research tells me as compared to my second cousins husband.
I sit down and try to collect my thoughts, replaying the whole thing in my head and asking God to point out where I went wrong, and how to manage it in the future so I don't get sucked into that dark and bitter place, especially when it comes to my mom.
Then of course my wife has to chime in now and give me her $.02 on what she just witnessed. I'm too tired to comment back, so I just let her talk, hearing only half of it, ignoring the ihe other half.
I'd really like a drink right now and to be alone for a bit.
As the afternoon turns into evening, my wife decides to hang out with the neighbors out front. As usual it's all about sitting in a circle with open wine bottles, cigarette after cigarette, and idle chatter. I only go out for a few minutes to say "Hi", but quite frankly would rather be inside.
Ten minutes later I tell my wife I'm going back in the house, which is met with "Why?" in front of everyone. I don't want to voice anything in front of my neighbors and really say "Because this is boring and I have better things to do than to watch you all smoke and drink and talk about who knows what and gossip", so I simply say "I don't feel all that well".
I end up reading a book for a while and watching a very interesting documentary on NASA before I go to bed. I peek outside and I see my wife with the women neighbors...still sitting in the same circle they have been for hours...smoking and drinking....and I catch myself shaking my head in mild disgust. I also wonder why my wife can't make time for church knowing how important it is to me, but can spend hours upon hours doing nothing of grand importance with the neighbors.
I go to bed and pray that sleep noty only comes quickly so that this day will end, but ask God for foregiveness for my judgemental thoughts and allowing my mind to go to dark places today...
To be continued....
No comments:
Post a Comment