Frustration and Heaven

"Don't be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this was not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am." (John 14: 1-3)

I have had a multitude of thoughts on various things lately (nightmares, lust, sin, love, marriage, death, unemployment), and unfortunately their themes seem to be more negative than positive as of late. I wonder if this is how I am wired. There are just some people you see in movies, cartoons, and moral stories which always seem to have cloud over their head of one degree or another. I know I've felt this way for a few years now, much more aware of negative or unpleasing situations/issues in God's eyes than positive ones, despite the amount of prayer I lift up to Him to unshackle my burdens.

I also come to the logical conclusion that I have yet to let go ov everything, and thus put 100% of my trust and faith into God no matter how many times I read the commandments to do so. As a human, I still want to control my own desinty, fix my own problems, to get myself out of my own messes. It's as if I need to work for my salvation....clearly man's flawed interpretation, not God's, because His mercy, forgivess, love, and salvation are gifts....free of charge...to all those that accept.

But I've been so indoctrinated from the worlds belief that "there is no such thing as a free lunch". Well, God says there is, and his deli is always open...it never closes and it is always stocked. But I stand before this deli, have my hand on the door, and I'm still worried about how much cash I have in my pocket.

Needless to say two main overlapping themes have been plaguing me the last few days: frustration and life in heaven. Oh, I assure you, these aren't my only thoughts. I have had plenty I could dwell on for days, but it seems these two are garnering the most attention in my frontal lobe.

First, there are both some very clear definitions of heaven, and some other descriptions which are maddeningly vague. Revaltions describes a new Heaven and a new Earth, a perfect square of 1,400 miles wide as it is deep. Streets of gold and twelve gates encrusted with pearls, and foundations made of pecious jems. Sadness and tears will be no more and evil vanquished. There is no night, we are to have new bodies, there will be no sea, and Jesus proclaims he is preparing a 'place' for eash of us.

But what exactly is this place? Is it a room? Is it an actual house? Dorm room? Condo? Will we share with our loved ones, or is each place meant for one singular being? If there is no night, then will we ever sleep or be tired in heaven? Personally, on occassion I do enjoy cuddling up in bed and staying warm, especially with my dog or a good book. Will these things be no more? I enjoy food and cooking and BBQ's, but in Heaven, will I eat and share meals with others?

Many theologians state that marriage does not exist in heaven either. So will I care if I see my wife there? How about any of my ex-girlfriends? Will I have intimacy in heaven as we have carnal relations here on earth? It's too mind boggling at times.

And finally it is described that a new Heaven will resemble a city. Will we have jobs in this city? Will I get frustrated and perhaps bored with my job?

This leads me to my second theme: frustration.

Today at my job, I was frustrated with the task at hand and with myself. A simple 5 minute job (if everything was in place) ended up being closer to an hour. I had to walk back and forth between the same two points multiple times because something was marked wrong and I had to double check the connections. On one trip I forgot my tools, so I had to go back and get them, then place them, then test again, then pick up my tools. I began to mutter under my breath at myself and at the person who incorrectly labeled things to begin with. And then I had to remind myself in my mounting frustration, that this is trivial overall and I should be thanking Jesus for providing me with a job to begin with. Despite the menial tasks and my escalting bitterness, I lost sight that I had a job, and Jesus tells me to do the best I can at what is provided to honor Him. Oh boy.

Then of course the logical progression of my thoughts turned to heaven again. If I have a job in heaven, will I too get frustrated if I forget a tool there? Can a carpenter in heaven accidentally smash his thumb? Can we make a mistake in our job and will these jobs ever be rewarding if there is no challenge?

Scientists say we only use about 10-15% of our brain. Imagine in heaven we use 100%? I can't comprehend this stuff.....which of course is frustrating in and of itself.