Headaches

It's been a week since my last post.

I've had a lot on my mind, but then again, when don't I?

Sometimes I wonder if it's just my chemistry that I am to be a naturally stressed person? Is it nature or nurture? I can look back and think my mom coddled me for so many years that I didn't have the 'typical' boyhood, but who really is to say certain events or actions crafted me and there wasn't something already planted inside from creation that would also contribute to how I act or react to things. I won't get all philosophical today, it's too early for that.

Anyway, I mentioned last time I think I need to get a physical. I haven't made the appointment yet. It seems like life is too busy. I often forget to take a time out and take care of things. I'm always misplacing bills, my wallet, my keys. It's as if I get so wrapped up into other things, I take the trivial things and some important things (like a physical) for granted.

When I do have any spare time, I tend to shut the rest of the world out and get lost in my own moments. Like last night. My wife had a business dinner (which I always find 'questionable' to begin with.) and didn't come home until 10:15pm. Why do I say these are questionable? Well, they always seem to 'pop-up' at the last minute, usually involve no specific time frame, and always involve drinking. This isn't part of her job description, and I am highly suspect that she is 'required' to go to these. Why can't one just say 'No, I'm not going out late after hours to a bar and then drive home in the middle of the week at last minutes notice.' I know in the past I have said No, and the facts are, my wife's position in the company is not high profile enough to warrant her attendance. But that's neither here nor there. Last night, I really didn't care. Last night meant that instead of coming home and walking the dog, paying a bill, putting away Christmas decoration or cleaning up around the house, that I would be playing Xbox from 6pm to 10:30pm. And 4.5 hours of online gaming is exactly what I did, and I don't feel guilty about it.

What I do feel a tad guilty about is that I didn't go to church last weekend. I couldn't give the Lord 1.5 hours of my life. I made a justification that I wasn't feeling well, which was the truth, but not enough to keep me away for 1.5 hours.

I've been having these headache spells the past week. Bordering on migraine's, they have hit me at work, at home, on the weekend. Last Saturday night I even got nauseated for about 60 seconds at one point. Extra strength aspirin did 'help' but did not make them go away completely. Of course I think it's related to stress, or I'm a candidate for an aneurysm, or I have a brain tumor, or something. My wife says I need to get this checked out, but she needs a lot checked out herself so when I don't go to the doctor and she gets upset with me, I turn it right back around on her and she usually gets quiet. Not an appropriate or loving way to win an argument, but effective.

I hadn't been drinking, alcohol that is, and I've been drinking plenty of water and caffeine, so I don't know why. Last night I had a real hard time sleeping too. I must have stared at the clock until after 1am before I fell asleep, and I could have slept in more today if not for work. I don't want to go to work today either. I just had almost two weeks off for the holidays to 'recharge' my batteries, but all I can think about is sitting hoem and playing a video game or watching tv or going to the gym or going for a nice long drive, not sitting in a cubicle answering assinine questions that seem to irritate me for whatever reason.