Funny how the small things in life can also change your day. It might not have an everlasting impact, but enough to change your mood for the better, at least temporarily.
I'm really not looking forward to going home today. I dread the awkward silence that will be in the room once I walk in my house. Do I just ignore my wife due to my lingering anger and wait for her to say something to me, or do I pretend nothing at all happened and hope for the best....that maybe I was just having an off day and feeling sorry for myself, and I used my wife as an excuse to justify my negative mood.
I don't know. I wish I could say I don't care, but I do, it's just I my heart and mind aches....and that takes a mental toll on me and causes fatigue I really don't want or need. I hate to say I'm a defeatist, but we can resolve the first few days and all will be hunky dory for a few weeks until the inevitable happens again.
Isn't that sad? That I am already expecting and dreading the next time. All I can do is hopefully stretch out the peace between us for as long as I can, and hope that God intervenes somehow and someway. Either towards me or my wife, but something has to change. Why do I dread and fear it's going to be me?
I had a headache most of the morning. Most likely due to mental duress and angst from last night. I took two Tylenol this morning and it really took its time to start working. I tried to listen to some christian talk radio today. I listen to learn, but boy does it sound as if everything applies to me. Like everything that is said, I can draw some analogy of my own life experience, and I wonder if I am indeed too critical of myself.
I had an excellent lunch, and let me tell you....it did wonders for my mind and spirit for that brief hour. There's a reason they call certain dishes 'comfort food'. It goes beyond chicken soup aiding a cold, or ice cream to sooth an upset tummy or cure a sweet tooth.
Today it was a warm panini sandwich on Italian herbed and rosemary infused focacia bread. It was smoked and warm chicken breast, ribboned basil, slivered red onion, smoked gooey and melted Italian cheese and a warm chipotle ranch spread.
That was 'heaven' to me while it lasted. Each bite tasted better than the first and I was savoring every morsel, sadly watching it disappear before my eyes. It came with freshly brewed ice-tea as well, not some tea from concentrate, or overly sweetened chemical concoction. No, these were tea leaves picked and steeped in real clean water and had a distinct organic and fresh taste.
I had to thank God to allow me that simple sojourn of peace. How easy it is to forget the little things in life, like a good sandwich, the flavors so intense that there is no room for anger and bitterness at that moment.
Maybe I'll go home and just see if my wife wants to go out to dinner. Maybe both our moods will change? Maybe I will have the wisdom to speak...or maybe the wisdom to silence my harsh tongue for harsh words can cut like a knife and hurt just as bad, and quite frankly, I'm a little 'tired' of hurting right now.
So, I guess my advice to you...when things seem to be dire and out of your control...at least for the time being...go out and have a nice meal and think of all the ingredients that made it up, and where they came from, and how God brought these wonderful things into being for us to enjoy and ruminate on.
I'm really not looking forward to going home today. I dread the awkward silence that will be in the room once I walk in my house. Do I just ignore my wife due to my lingering anger and wait for her to say something to me, or do I pretend nothing at all happened and hope for the best....that maybe I was just having an off day and feeling sorry for myself, and I used my wife as an excuse to justify my negative mood.
I don't know. I wish I could say I don't care, but I do, it's just I my heart and mind aches....and that takes a mental toll on me and causes fatigue I really don't want or need. I hate to say I'm a defeatist, but we can resolve the first few days and all will be hunky dory for a few weeks until the inevitable happens again.
Isn't that sad? That I am already expecting and dreading the next time. All I can do is hopefully stretch out the peace between us for as long as I can, and hope that God intervenes somehow and someway. Either towards me or my wife, but something has to change. Why do I dread and fear it's going to be me?
I had a headache most of the morning. Most likely due to mental duress and angst from last night. I took two Tylenol this morning and it really took its time to start working. I tried to listen to some christian talk radio today. I listen to learn, but boy does it sound as if everything applies to me. Like everything that is said, I can draw some analogy of my own life experience, and I wonder if I am indeed too critical of myself.
I had an excellent lunch, and let me tell you....it did wonders for my mind and spirit for that brief hour. There's a reason they call certain dishes 'comfort food'. It goes beyond chicken soup aiding a cold, or ice cream to sooth an upset tummy or cure a sweet tooth.
Today it was a warm panini sandwich on Italian herbed and rosemary infused focacia bread. It was smoked and warm chicken breast, ribboned basil, slivered red onion, smoked gooey and melted Italian cheese and a warm chipotle ranch spread.
That was 'heaven' to me while it lasted. Each bite tasted better than the first and I was savoring every morsel, sadly watching it disappear before my eyes. It came with freshly brewed ice-tea as well, not some tea from concentrate, or overly sweetened chemical concoction. No, these were tea leaves picked and steeped in real clean water and had a distinct organic and fresh taste.
I had to thank God to allow me that simple sojourn of peace. How easy it is to forget the little things in life, like a good sandwich, the flavors so intense that there is no room for anger and bitterness at that moment.
Maybe I'll go home and just see if my wife wants to go out to dinner. Maybe both our moods will change? Maybe I will have the wisdom to speak...or maybe the wisdom to silence my harsh tongue for harsh words can cut like a knife and hurt just as bad, and quite frankly, I'm a little 'tired' of hurting right now.
So, I guess my advice to you...when things seem to be dire and out of your control...at least for the time being...go out and have a nice meal and think of all the ingredients that made it up, and where they came from, and how God brought these wonderful things into being for us to enjoy and ruminate on.
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